It’s that time of year again when us girls get to sit on the couch in yoga pants and a t-shirt and judge celebrities’ designer gowns and suits like we’re auditioning for Fashion Police on E! Network. That’s right, it’s award season. And today I’m bringing to you my unwarranted and unqualified review of the fashion at the 2014 SAG Awards (which stands for Screen Actors Guild, FYI. I google so you don’t have to.) So let’s just jump right into it, shall we?
Anna Gunn
I don’t know if I like this dress, or I just like her expression in this picture. It’s like she’s about to spoil the ending of Breaking Bad for me because I’m a dummy and have yet to finish it. And what is with her bag? It looks like a mini, mouse-sized briefcase, and if it is, then I like this outfit ten times more than I did before.
Kerry Washington
Woah girl. Scandal was on my list of TV shows to watch, but this outfit is really making me reconsider. I’ll give you props for wearing a crop top while seven months pregnant, but I think 3 out of 4 doctors would agree with me that that weird, bedazzled top can’t be good for the baby’s health.
Isla Fisher
AHHH! Her dress is perfect. Her makeup is perfect. Her hair is perfect. Why is she married to Borat?
Rita Wilson
I can’t stop laughing at the glare her dress is making. This is so ugly; I can’t even come up with a joke about it. “It’s like you’re my mirror// my mirror starin’ back at me.” (Just kidding, I have a joke for every occasion.)
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Sofia Vergara
We get it, Sofia; you’re loud and beautiful. Stop rubbing it in my face. This actually reminds me of Rita Wilson’s dress, except Sofia’s looks less like she smashed a mirror and then glued the pieces to a dress. Sofia’s stylist- 1, Rita’s stylist- 0.
Julie Bowen
Here’s the deal, Jules (may I call you Jules?): you’re going to teach me how to get amazing guns like yours and in return, I’m going to make sure nobody ever lets you wear a dress like this again. It looks like something a 2-star motel would put up on the wall. And paint your nails, girl; you’re on the red carpet.
Jennifer Lawrence
Jennifer has been killing it with her fashion choices lately. And by “it,” I mean her chances of being on the Best Dressed list because, girl, this dress is UGLY. One of my fashion rules to live by is, “if you literally look like a disco ball, it’s time to change.” And what’s with the Kate Gosselin hair?
Natalie Dormer
Natalie looks like the cool girl your mom wouldn’t let you hang out with in middle school, and I’m lovin’ it. This is her “I’m going to win the Game of Thrones” look.
Cate Blanchett
Psssst, Cate. You forgot to untuck your napkin from the top of your dress when you finished dinner!
Elisabeth Moss
Ahh, she looks so cute and pretty! And that dress. I’m going to name my firstborn child after this dress. Seriously, on their birth certificate, under “name,” there’s just going to be a picture of this dress. Good job, Elisabeth.
And that’s it! I didn’t include any of the men’s fashion choices because they literally all wear the exact same outfit and there’s only so much I can say about a plain tux. Overall I’m going to give the SAG Awards fashion 3 ½ donuts out of 5.
If you have any comments or suggestions for what you’d like me to consider next week, you can tweet me (@sydschaefer)! Stay classy, Tallahassee.