Confessions of a Non-Drinker at a Party School

Cue scene: I’m standing with a group of friends at a pregame when a guy walks over to us and starts handing out shots. I take one just to be polite and then hand it to someone next to me, only to be then asked, “Wait, where’s yours?” All eyes are on me as I smile at my joke of a life and say, “I don’t drink, actually. I’m allergic to alcohol. But thanks anyways!”

Courtesy: Buzzfeed

The reaction is always the same

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“Oh my god, are you serious? That sucks - I am so so sorry.” 

And in my mind I’m just like

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Just kidding. Because this is how I often feel.

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However, there are positives to being non-drinker (and so many other reasons why I swear I’m still fun): 

The best Snapchat stories.

Courtesy: Buzzfeed

There are two types of girls in this world: the ones who make 100 second long Snapchat stories when they’re drunk, and the ones who are on everyone else’s 100 second long Snapchat stories when they’re drunk. Fortunately, I never wake up in the morning, check my Snapchat, and freak out about the embarrassing selfie I uploaded to my story. I never scroll down my feed and see unfortunate videos of myself dancing on a table, mascara running down my face, with the filter that shows “2:34 a.m.”

Okay, so I’m not girl number two. Rather, I’m the camera crew of the group and the only one sober enough to capture everything and anything worth documenting.  (For the squad’s eyes only, of course.) Photos and videos of a best friend falling asleep on a bench by Westcott/trying to hit the quan/crying over Gumby’s at a very late hour? Got it. So if you’ve ever been the sober one for the night, you understand the glory of having so much material for waltz pages.

The DD (Designated Driver) is already established. Because it’s you.

Did you accidentally miss the bus from Heritage? Or are you just not in the mood to be crammed together with sweaty people and no air conditioning or personal space? No need to fear, your personal Uber driver is here. Hint: it’s probably me.

Courtesy: Thought Catalog

Never have to worry about getting stranded, because my car is parked right in front of the club. Never again will someone steal your taxi outside of Pots. Never again will you have to pay the insane Uber surge prices on game day. Being sober solves a long list of problems that would have definitely come up later in the night.

No drunk eating.

Courtesy: Complex

Fine, you got me. When my friends insist on Wendy’s drive thru at the end of a night out, I’ll still eat fast food. However, while some drunks may order a burger and a milkshake and nuggets and fries and everything on the menu, I’m sober enough to know that small fries and a coke is probably enough? Sometimes?

No regretful shacking.

Sorry, I just couldn’t skip this one. No judgment! But how many times have we all heard “wow, I was honestly just so drunk last night. I really can’t believe I did that!”

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You’ve heard it from everyone but the “always sober” girl. Because all I want to do after leaving a bar is go to sleep. Hint: Your personal Uber driver will also pick you up at 7 a.m. at your said location. Which I’ve probably already stalked on the shared locations Find My Friends app. Mom’s on her way, and she loves you.

No hangovers.

The way most college kids wake up on Sunday morning:

Courtesy: College Candy

The way non-drinkers wake up on Sunday morning:

Courtesy: We Heart It

Going to a large state school like Florida State, it’s easy to become consumed in the drinking and party culture. However, just remember that there are so many other ways to have fun. Whether alcohol makes you sick or you just don’t enjoy it, take it from me: going out sober can be fun when you’re with a great group of people that you always have a good time with. So thank the “token sober” of your crew for always keeping track of your shared location, driving you home safely and capturing your most ratchet moments. We’re still fun, we swear. 

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Shelby Curran is a senior at Florida State University majoring in English with a concentration in Editing, Writing, and Media and minoring in Communications.

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