As I’ve gotten older, I’ve realized that it’s less important to have a lot of friends, and more important to have real ones. But like a lot of other people around me, I sometimes befriend the wrong people. Toxic friendships usually don’t start out bad, but eventually it becomes obvious that’s exactly what they are.
Here are some clues that your relationship is toxic. And not in a Britney Spears kind of way.
1. Your friend’s compliments are actually backhanded insults.
2. She makes jokes at your expense to make herself look better.
3. If she asks you to do something and you don’t do it, all hell will break loose until you give in to what she wants.
4. You dread getting texts and calls from her, and purposefully avoid being around her.
5. You know she’s spreading lies about you, but when you confront her she denies it and shifts the blame onto you.
6. You feel like you’re walking on eggshells to make sure she doesn’t get angry with you.
7. She’ll hit on any guy you like just to prove she can get what you can.
8. She’s emotionally high maintenance and you have to cater to her ever-changing mood swings like it’s your job. She’s so self-absorbed that she expects you to drop everything when she’s having one of her meltdowns.
9. You find yourself defending her behavior and actions to your other friends. Her bitch face is actually her real face.
Here are some things that a fake friend would never do:
1. Help you if you have a problem. Someone who genuinely knows and cares about you (AKA a real friend) will know if something is wrong. They’ll notice the pain in your eyes when everyone else only sees your smile. Don’t look for friends who will fix your problems; look for ones who will help you deal with them.
2. Make time for you. This one is obvious, but any kind of relationship requires quality time. You should never have to fight for a place in someone’s life. If they actually care about you, they’ll make a place for you.
3. Accept you for who you are. A genuine friend is someone who will accept your flaws, and won’t try to change you. If you have to change who you are to fit in with a group of people, they are not your real friends. Be yourself, and the right people will feel lucky to be friends with the real you.
4. They listen. Being there for someone when they need to talk, and showing them that their words are important, has a lasting impact. Friends don’t always need advice, mostly they just need someone who will listen to them and support them no matter what.
5. They keep promises. A real friend is someone who will keep your secrets, and they’ll be there for you when they say they will. They mean what they say and they don’t lie to you, or about you to other people.