I don’t think anyone ever prepares you for what it’s like to stop being someone’s best friend. When it comes to romantic relationships in high school and college, break ups seem inevitable. Most of us aren’t lucky enough to marry the person we fall in love with at 15, but when it comes to friendship, forever seems more attainable. Sometimes life gets in the way and you simply outgrow each other, or maybe one person changes in a way the other can no longer accept. Either way, there comes a time when daily phone calls turn into months without talking and you must try to find a way to move on.
1. Get mad… and then get sad
I know this may not sound ideal, but trust me. Anger is a natural emotion and depending on the circumstance, it’s important to let it all out before you can really move on. Friendships can weigh down on you and if this person hurt you, it’s crucial to find healthy ways to deal with these emotions without hurting anyone, including yourself. Remember, anger is almost always a secondary emotion coming from something much deeper so it’s important to face it head on. Go for a run, make a playlist of your favorite songs or find a way to express yourself in the way you best know how. Once you’ve cleared your head and calmed down, it’ll be much easier to deal with the feelings of sadness that may come later.
2. Accept that you may not have always been the best best friend
It’s an unfortunate truth that no one is perfect, no matter how hard we all strive to be. I’ve been in the situation before where I had leave behind a friendship because of the toxic ways their company affected me. In that instance, it became so easy to blame everything on the other person, and for a long time, I did. As cheesy or cliché as it may sound, hindsight truly is 20/20. I often look back and consider all the times when I took out my own personal insecurities and struggles out on them just because they were there.Once you take a step back, you’ll be able to look back at the moments when you could have tried more or taken a second to think before you spoke. This doesn’t mean that the friendship didn’t need to end, but it’s important to accept that you may have hurt them and it’s not fair to see only your side. Remember they lost a best friend too.
3. If you do talk, make sure it’s coming from the right place
A lot of times, there are other people involved when a friendship ends. Don’t let other opinions or “he said she said” get in the way of what you think or feel. If you decide to talk things out with your friend before letting them go, it’s detrimental that you tell them how YOU feel, not what you think they did wrong. Watch out for people who seem eager to tell you what they heard your friend saying about you. They most likely don’t have your best intentions in mind and only want the gossip. Another thing, if your soon to be ex-best friend has been treating you in an abusive or offensive way, you aren’t obligated to talk to them. It’s okay to take a stand for yourself and leave them behind with zero explanation.
4. Consider social media as an obstacle to healing
Depending on your personal situation, social media can have an even larger effect on you than you may think. I get not wanting to burn bridges or shut someone out completely, but consider that you don’t need to be “friends” with everyone on Facebook or Instagram. If seeing someone’s constant tweets is only going to leave you feeling worse, then unfollow them. It may seem like a huge deal, but think of it as a big step towards moving on instead. It’s much better to eliminate the problem than become one by being petty on social media. Don’t worry about them getting offended, at this point they should understand why you no longer want to keep up with their stories. On the other hand, if there really is no bad blood (cue Taylor Swift), then leaving them on social media might be a nice way to casually stay in touch.
5. If all else fails… Ice Cream & Netflix
Just because movies love making it all about romance doesn’t mean that some comfort food and a few of your favorite movies can’t help take your mind of things when it comes to non-romantic relationships too. Feeling like you’ve lost someone is hard, no matter what the complicated circumstances may be. Whether you were hurt or things just slowly became more distant, give yourself an appropriate amount of time to let yourself heal. No matter how alone you may feel, there’s always someone else who feels the same way. Grab a couple extra spoons and try reaching out to that nice girl you met last semester or that guy you were buds with freshman year. You’ll be surprised how many other people might be dealing with the loss of a friendship too.