If you asked my boyfriend and I two years ago whether we thought we would ever be together, the answer would be a hard “no.” We’ve known each other since we were freshmen in high school, placed in the same homeroom. We rarely spoke in the first three years of our high school careers, even when we shared some of the same classes. It wasn’t until we started following each other on social media the summer before our senior year (or, as it’s so affectionately described, he slid into my DMs) that we finally started having meaningful conversations. By October, we were officially in a relationship.
My boyfriend is everything I could want: affectionate, understanding, loyal, and laughs at the same ridiculous things I do. The only problem was that college would soon separate us. Going to school in Boston had been my dream for years, and eventually I committed to Emerson while he enrolled at a college in our home state of New Jersey. We both decided that we were prepared to try a long-distance relationship, knowing I’d be back home for holidays and breaks. We’ve now been together for about a year and four months, with five months in a long-distance relationship. It’s not easy, but if you’re in a similar position, here’s some of the advice I can give you.
Don’t have unrealistic expectations.
Remember, your significant other has a life outside of you. You can’t get mad at them when they don’t constantly devote all their time to you. My boyfriend and I are often on opposite schedules: he starts classes early in the morning, while all of mine are in the afternoon. There are times when I’m just starting classes as soon as he’s ending them. On top of that, I’ve become your stereotypical Emersonian who has committed to way too many extracurriculars, and on top of that I live in a suite with seven other girls. It’s hard to expect long phone calls every night or 24/7 communication. We make it work with the time that we do have, and understand that there may be gaps between our messages.
Appreciate the time you have together.
That being said, cherish the time that you can spend with your SO. If you’re in a college long-distance relationship, do your best to make time for going out together while you’re on break. Take the opportunity to do something fun and exciting; with so much time spent away at school, you can switch up your usual routine and try new things. Visit a new restaurant, explore a new part of town, or revisit an old favorite place. Make your time together memorable so you don’t go back to school feeling like you wasted your chance to see them.
Don’t let others’ pessimism get to you.
While listening to the advice of the people close to you is important, you and your SO have to make the decisions about what is best for your relationship. People would ask me, “Are you sure he’s okay with the distance?” or question why I want to be “tied down” while I’m away at college. Don’t feel like you need to automatically break up if you go away for school. It’s a myth that long-distance never works, and if you never try it out, you’ll never know. Maybe it’s not the right thing for your relationship, but that decision should be between you and your partner, not you and your friends.