Women are meant to appear effortlessly flawless in all situations. This can be challenging while rushing to class, trying to survive midterms, or weathering a sunny day that suddenly turns to thunderstorms #Durhamweather. Just because it’s challenging doesn’t mean it’s impossible; it just takes a special kind of woman. Duke women are therefore definitely capable of being flawless whether we are on or off campus, in or out of the library, in rain or shine. We have flawless GPA’s, faces, and bodies. Even our life plans are flawless (can anyone say #powerb*tchstatus?). So of course it is also extremely important for us to be flawless in the bedroom.
Now, hold on. We’re already flawless in bed, that’s a given. And being flawless at blowjobs, sex, and all the other kinky stuff is definitely a plus. But there is yet, something more pressing to take care of, something that, if not maintained, can slap a big ol’ HALT sign on a good time, something that can fuel or kill that womanly aura of perfection and flawlessness which we must, must, must uphold: pubic hair. Yes, that is the correct term for it. Call it what you want but we are also expected to be flawless down there. We are the generation of the waxed, shaved, and laser hair removed vaginas. We are the generation that is uncomfortable with more than a landing strip left to glimpse beneath our underwear or to unveil just before pleasure town. (Not to mention the bedazzled vagina trend, thanks team, good one. I want my vagina to look sparkly. Definitely.) Don’t get me wrong, au natural is great, but there is something to be said about a well-groomed vagina. It may be society telling us what to do with our girly parts but we have to admit there are benefits to a hair free playground, for everybody involved. Guys like it, sure, but it’s definitely enjoyable for a woman too. And women should see it as so. Don’t just go out and trim and primp for your man, please. Do it for yourself because this kind of grooming is about more than sex, about more than anything it could possibly lead to or entice in your sexual partner. Grooming should really be about you. Whether you’re shaving, waxing, playing blazer-lazer tag with your hair down there or doing some other random technique I’m not aware of, feeling as smooth as a baby’s bottom is an amazing experience that every woman should take pride in, enjoy, and use to her advantage. The experiences are different but there are a number of benefits to be had.
1. Befriending your Waxer: Every serial waxer has had the experience of going into a salon and letting another woman see their deepest and darkest crevices close enough to catch every nasty hair and rip it right out. Let’s face it; it’s the waxers that get the best view. Even your boyfriend hasn’t seen your vagina this close up and in this high definition (I mean, they shine like a dentist’s light on it, sheesh). As she’s waxing you there’s that awkward 5 to 15—to a sometimes agonizing 30 if you go to the wrong place—minutes of interaction between you and the lady that’s mutilating your vagina at your volunteered request. Naturally, you have to talk. There’s nothing else to do but wince. So you start talking about where you’re from, school, oh she has a friend that goes to Duke, oh you know her, oh my god you have something in common and then you’re really getting to know this girl and you’re laughing even though she’s ripping your God-given hair right out of your skin with hot wax and the 15ish minutes are over and you get up and realize that you like this girl a lot and she probably likes you and she sweetly lets you put your clothes back on and waits for you to give her a tip. YAY friendship and bonding over the most ridiculous connections while you’re lying in the most ridiculous positions (yes, you’ve been there, with your knees pressed to your chest awkwardly, don’t lie). However, this experience can also be very awkward for some girls who are not into conversing with their waxer, (as if she might comment on the color or shape of your vagina). By the way, if she does, she sucks and you should never go there again. Usually they’re very nice; unless you forget to exfoliate…and my advice for you there is…to exfoliate. Duh. If this is your problem I encourage you to begin that conversation. Try it. You might make a new friend. And even if you’re not best buds your waxes will improve because you won’t ever be just another vagina in her face. Instead, you’ll be that vagina in her face with a mutual friend.
2. “A Brazilian makes you bolder.” Quoted by Carrie Bradshaw: the Mother, the Goddess, the Prophet. There is something holy about the Brazilian wax. It gives you a kind of confidence that doesn’t permeate merely from your nude baby smooth vajayjay. Get a Brazilian wax and I promise you the minute all of the hair comes off you will gain the ability to turn more heads than you ever imagined, to persuade anyone to do your bidding, and an aura of confidence that will allow you to do all of the dirty, amazing, life-changing things you never thought you could. A Brazilian is like a golden ticket and Willy Wonka’s Chocolate Factory is open for business 24/7. A Brazilian suddenly makes any shoes you’re wearing walk like heels on a hard wood floor. A Brazilian makes you the woman you always wanted to be, powerful, confident, beautiful, and the best part is that it’s all yours. Even if you’re sharing the magic, it’s attached to your body, it happens to you; so don’t let it get swept up by just your partner. Enjoy it. Smirk at yourself in the mirror because even if you’re fully clothed, you know the secret that lies beneath. When your boss is being a total a-hole, tell him/her that they are making a big mistake firmly and boldly. Your Brazilian will support you. When that hot guy walks into the bar, let your Brazilian strut over to him and say hello. When you’re having a bad day strip off all your clothes and take pride in your beautiful FLAWLESS body. Thank your Brazilian; she’s worth every penny. Carrie also once said that she’d rather buy Vogue than dinner because it feeds her more. My Brazilian would get me into Vogue.
3. The little things: It makes your underwear look better on you. You automatically feel sexier. Your boyfriend’s face when he stumbles upon it. An unimagined confidence with that new guy you’ve been waiting to shag. You look amazing in a bikini and you’re not afraid to do handstands! At some waxing places you can get a discount for recommending them to a friend. Quick and painless and the more you do it the less painful it becomes. Shaving is an easy fix if you’re not able to get a wax. Think of all the hilarious horror stories you’ll have to share with your girlfriends about the waxer that started crying mid-session because her boyfriend broke up with her just minutes before you spread-eagled or about the waxer that threatened your life if you didn’t exfoliate before your next visit. Seriously ladies, exfoliate. Lastly, Guys love it. End all be all.