So I’m sure either you or one of your friends has had an experience involving the Duke University hook-up culture. In high school, relationships are mostly sought after and “hooking up” is not something many people concern themselves with doing. In college, all those notions are washed away and suddenly we are left to try and figure out a whole new set of sexual rules and regulations. I can’t define for you a right or wrong way to involve yourself in the hook-up culture, and the task of figuring out what you want sexually in college is easier said than done. I know I, myself, constantly go back and forth between what I desire sexually as a female in college: the internal battle between being okay with casual sex versus desiring a stable relationship, not wanting to have no strings attached sex, but not wanting to be asexual either, not wanting to have pointless Shooters hookups but also feeling the pressures to do so.
After hearing story after story of young college girls participating in the hook-up culture only to be faced with unexpected consequences and rude rejections, I felt it was only right to bring these stories to light to let you know that you are not alone if this has happened to you, and you don’t have to be okay with it! Rather, we need to start articulating what we want as young woman and how we deserve to be treated with respect.
Lets take a look at some of these real-life notorious tales:
1. The Boastful Bad Kisser
After a night of partying and making out with a super hot guy who offered to walk her back to her dorm, the night was going well. Upon arriving at the door, she told the hottie that her roommate was home so he couldn’t come upstairs. He also did not have a free room so he asked her if she wanted to go lay in the grass in the dark. His looks alone were not enchanting enough to make her have sex in the mud, especially considering that during their walk home, he had been visibly texting his array of booty calls. Upon realizing he was not going to be getting anything more than a kiss goodbye, he delivered her the sweetest of departing words, “see you never you piece of shit,” and raised a casual middle finger as he walked away. The young girl was appalled, but turned away without a word for fear of further embarrassment. She saw him the next day and he didn’t say hi.
2. The Bad Texter Booty-Call
This girl was beautiful and could get any boy she wanted, so when an infamous hottie decided he wanted her, it came to no one’s surprise. However, beautiful girls are not insusceptible to a player’s games. A few nights in his bed heated up the romance. Being that he was a male of high status, the red signs he began to elicit went unnoticed. The red signs became brighter and brighter to the point where they literally burned — her sense of self-worth, that is. The boy began just snap-chatting the beautiful girl a picture of his feet with the typed words “come over”, and that she did. Soon enough texts became snapchats, and snapchats became head nods, and eventually head nods became not even a glance. He disappeared, never to answer her last text, and never justifying his rude rejection.
And the third most common tale:
3. The One Night Stand
You meet this boy at a party and you have major sexual chemistry. He seems totally into you and you’re talking to each other at a level deeper than any other casual encounter. He must be different, I trust him, and oh, he is so hot. Party night ends, you’ve been exchanging stolen kisses here and there and you don’t want the night to be over. One thing leads to another and you’re in one of your rooms and the sexual transaction is intensifying, and you don’t have to think about your parents walking in or your friends at home spreading rumors. The condom comes out, and why not? So you do it. Maybe it’s great, maybe it’s just alright, but no matter what, you’re starting to come back down from the high and realize you really don’t know who this boy is. Oxytocin starts to kick in and you’re uncontrollably feeling a chemical sense of connection. He gives you a kiss goodbye and swears he will text you later. The next day rolls along: no messages. The day after that: still no messages. You finally run into him on campus and he totally ignores you. There’s nothing you can do, it’s not like you were dating, you knew it was an impulsive one-night thing… but why do you feel so rejected?
Whether or not you participate in the college hookup culture is up to you. There is nothing wrong with casually hooking up and you should not feel ashamed afterwards for doing so. However, I highlight these stories for you to see what you don’t have to be okay with. All girls deserve respect and if a boy disrespects you after a hook up, speak up! Be safe, have fun, kiss the cutie, but most of all don’t hide your words out of fear of embarrassment. Your feelings matter and the words you articulate may help other girls from going through the same rejection post-hookup that you suffered through.