My boyfriend and I became official during orientation week of fall quarter. At that time I was being introduced to all of the new people who I’d be living with for the next nine months, and was given a taste of what my first year of college would be like. We had spent all summer hanging out and going on adventures together, so the next logical step would be to make it official. Although it is a fun and rewarding experience being able to say that him and I made it through this crazy first year of college together, it has also been one of the most challenging things I have ever done.
You want to spend all your time with him…
Even though my boyfriend and I do not go to the same school, he does not live too far from campus. Since he’s so close, I spend more of my time off campus with him and less time on campus making friends (which is crucial for surviving through college!). I know that I always want to spend as much time with my boyfriend as I can, and that often means that I spend less time studying and more time going out and doing fun things. It is all about finding that happy medium in order to stay successful in school while also maintaining your relationship.
…but what if you guys are in a long distance relationship?
Fortunately, I don’t have to deal with this. But what about the girls who are stuck FaceTiming their boyfriends via bad WiFi connections and only getting to see each other every couple of months? When speaking with another girl on campus, who wishes to remain anonymous, she let me know that distance is what tore her and her long-term boyfriend of two and a half years apart. “Ultimately, this was a huge setback for our relationship because we only saw each other on extensive breaks such as winter and spring break. One time we went almost four months without seeing one another. It was definitely hard to manage, especially because we are both in college, both have jobs, and both have outside-of-school commitments. It was hard to find time for each other and talk for more than an hour,” she said. Finding different and new ways to communicate with each other to help make the distance not seem so terrible will be crucial through getting through those long periods of time spent apart.
The arguments are more frequent, and more difficult to manage…
Being exposed to an entirely new group of people can bring about a lot of jealously issues, and lead to more frequent arguments. Often, these arguments can turn into, “Who is that person you are hanging out with all the time? I’ve never heard you talk about them before.” And lead into other things such as, “Why are you not making enough time for me anymore?” It is already difficult to find balance between school work and personal relationships, and when you argue with each other, everything else becomes significantly more difficult to manage. Talking things through with your significant other and coming to a mutual agreement about the importance of school is crucial, and letting each other know that even though you are both meeting new people and making new friends, you still only have eyes for each other and trust each other will benefit the relationship in the long run.
…but what if the problems don’t seem to end?
If you both can’t seem to come to a happy medium together, it may be time to part ways. You are surrounded by a new group of people, and you may find someone else who works better for you, like my anonymous source. When I posed the question to her of if she feels like coming to college and being put with an entirely new group of people also had an impact on her previous relationship, she stated, “Yes, definitely. I have met so many new people here at DU, very different from my friends back home. The simplest way to put it would be that it was time for me to move on and experience new things and get to know new people. Being in my past relationship, it was a very jealous one and it held me back from meeting new people and going out and enjoying myself. So yes, so far this [current] relationship [I am in] is better.”
In the end, always do what makes you happy.
Being happy in a relationship is so important, especially during your college years. You need to find someone who will continue to lift you up and encourage you to do your best, but someone who is also willing to have fun with you and make you laugh when you need it the most. Whether that be from the current relationship you are in, or to the relationship you will potentially find in the future, always remember that positivity is what matters. I made it through my first year of college with my guy by my side and I look forward to the years to come for him and I. Plus, it’s always a bonus to find someone who won’t judge you on those bad days where you have three projects due the next day and your hair is a mess – he’s right by your side, holding your hand through it all.