You are unhappy. You’re insecure. You’re scared, lonely, lost, confused. You’re tired.
“Humans fundamentally destroy everything,” you say.
Ruth Maria Lemus Gutierrez represents an emotional exhaustion that has and or will take hold of most people at some point in their lives. The world is good, it’s also a little hard to recover from; sometimes you’re stuck in a weird middle that won’t let you live on either side. In times like these, it’s hard to be supportive when one doesn’t know what to do, or what to say. It’s uncomfortable and hard to watch, but you care about this person, so you have to. Ruth is an especially closed off individual. Her walls are layered and tangled all at once. Sitting with her, I was intimidated. How could I possibly begin to help? What could I say?
Silence is usually awkward for people. To fill in the tense gaps people call on humor, or inquisition to keep the talk flowing. As I spoke with her it dawned on me that maybe my way of helping her was to get her to think about herself. The importance of self-love is alarmingly overlooked despite our indulgent culture. The more I deviated from asking her how she felt, to asking her about herself, the harder it was for her to speak. Not because she didn’t want to, she just hadn’t thought about it.
“Would you say you’re happy?”
“Not really,”
“In general, looking at the world as a whole, not just at school, would you say you love life?”
“I don’t know,”
“Have you thought about what would makes you thrive? What puts you on top of the world?”
“No…” tears pushed to be free from the confines of her restraint. She looked toward the ceiling, running her fingers over her cheeks.
“Maybe, you should think about it.”
Coaxing people to open up about themselves is uncomfortable. Asking people to reflect on themselves is downright terrifying. Sometimes people don’t ask because they’re afraid of the other person’s reaction, or coming off as nosy. I was personally afraid to hear Ruth’s responses. They weren’t going to be happy ones, and I was scared I wouldn’t be able to handle it in a way that would help her. That’s when I realized I needed to ask because I was afraid. She wasn’t going to do it for herself, so I did it for her.
People who suppress their emotions, or don’t take the time to think about who they are, like to use the phrase “fake it till you make it.” If you’re someone who’s a little tired from bearing the weight of the world right now, I challenge you to modify this phrase to “faith it till you make it.” Whether it be a belief in God, your friends, your family, or yourself, believe in something. Have faith you’re going to be okay until you are. For those of you living the high life right now, needing to be there for someone who isn’t, I challenge you to dive. Dive into the fear of being unhelpful and the discomfort. It might not result in the way you want, but it’s a small step in a good direction. We all know the storm comes before the rainbow, so let’s embrace that mess sooner rather than later.