I’m insecure, so very, very insecure. There, I said it.
Sometimes, I feel ashamed to say it out loud, as though it possesses the ability to lessen me as a woman or an individual. The truth is, I’m far from what I want to look like, and far from what society says I should look like. In fact, I’m tall, taller than most girls I know. If that weren’t enough to separate me from a crowd, I’m also full figured. So yes, I’ve been given a hell of a combination that often makes me feel terrible about myself.
There are so many times when I look at my friends, I look at those surrounding me, and I feel a sense of detachment and alienation because of my size; it has always set me apart. For those who are confident and strong-minded it may not seem like such a problem. But for me, it has always been nothing short of a burden.
The answer is yes; I have tried to adjust my weight in hopes of feeling good about myself. It’s never lasted long enough. I’ve caved in over and over again, and I’m still working on it to this day. But – and this is a huge, gigantic, and aggressive but – I’m no longer unhappy about what I look like.
It’s no secret that imperfections have become easily definable because of the media’s unceasing desire to mould appearances with some kind of rule book. I mean, our society has worked towards manipulating beauty in a way that excludes uniqueness but it is so entirely unrealistic. We’ve even got Instagram and Snapchat filters that aim at hiding qualities considered unappealing and seemingly require covering up.
See, over the last few months, I’ve come to understand the depths of my worth. I’m stronger than what I used to let myself believe, and I’m smarter than I’ve ever let on. I’m a somewhat intense, carefree girl, with lots of imperfections. But I don’t care if I’m not shorter than most guys, and I don’t care if I’m not “skinny.” This is who I am. I refuse to let society, or any individual for that matter, define my beauty. I define it every single day that I choose to look past the limitations society and I have set up for myself. I’m proud to be who I am and I won’t let anyone take that away from me. You shouldn’t either.
Sure, I doubt myself sometimes but that doesn’t make me any less beautiful than the next person. Sure, maybe I’m even being overly optimistic right now but in this moment, this is how I feel and this is what I know.
I used to be like you, and I sort of still am. However, I’ve found comfort in knowing that I’m not alone in this feeling. Any person, regardless of their appearance, can harbour insecure feelings about themselves. The point is, we shouldn’t feel this way. This is why I want and need to let you know that you are beautiful. Do you read me?! You absolutely do not need anyone to make you feel less than who you are. You need to start realizing your worth. Believe me when I say you’re beautiful. Believe me when I say your worth exceeds any kind of criticism.
Be confident in your insecurities. You can even refuse to have any at all.
You’ve got to love yourself.
Sincerely,
A girl in progress