We’ve all seen the video. The unacceptable acceptance letters video that has flooded the internet. (If you haven’t seen it, here is the link to watch it: http://time.com/4300008/college-acceptance-letter- -campus-sexual-assault/). We feel disgusted, unsure how to react, unsure how to feel because of the scary statistic given to both boys and girls, young men and women as they enter college.
What happens when you’ve already hit that number before you even step foot on your college campus? What happens if you’re a part of a bigger epidemic, an epidemic that has been going on for years in every society? You’ve been sexually assaulted or raped before you’ve stepped on campus grounds. You’re not alone though, not even close. A study done by rain.org shows that one in nine girls and one in fifty-three boys are sexually assaulted by the time they are eighteen. So what happens after you get your acceptance letter and are faced with the reality: you can go through that Hell again. Here’s what can happen.
In my case, I moved in early to my college campus due to a disability. I was one of the only ones on campus, I was terrified the first night. You’re allowed to be scared, you’re allowed to be nervous, you’re allowed to be standoffish when you meet new people because you once met your rapist or assaulter and maybe even smiled at them. Now, anxiety can become even more real once you hit discovery weekend, I had people handing me red condoms that said “STOP! Do you have consent?” written on the plastic. I almost couldn’t breathe, because no, he didn’t have consent that time, and I wanted to scream in anxiety ridden panic.
I learned it’s okay to say no, I started saying no to everyone handing me condoms and pamphlets on things like: “What is Rape?” and “How Not to be Raped”. I knew it already, I knew it all. You’re allowed to say no to everything being handed to you, you’re allowed to say no to all the rape videos they ask you to watch. You’re allowed to feel awkward, honestly there was one video they had about party rapes I walked out on, you’re allowed to tell your advisors, “Hey, I am not comfortable watching this,” they will understand.
So, what happens once you’re on campus and you have to face thousands of people every day? Here’s a great list to start:
1.) Find a good core group of friends to walk with you!
Whether it be to class or from the gym find these friends as soon as possible. They can be kids from high school until you find more or even just your roommate. Two is always better than one.
2.) Find a support group on campus!
There are lots of survivors on campus and they meet during the week sometime. This is a great way to feel safer about being on campus, and it’s a room full of people that know what you’re going through.
3.) Go see a counselor!
It’s not a bad idea to go see a counselor when you first start college. Colleges typically offer it through their health center, it’s included most of the time with college tuition and it’s always good to have someone to go to.
What happens that first weekend, with all those parties? All the drinking? My first weekend was insane, there were over ten parties, and I didn’t attend any of them. If you did, that’s great. If not? Go have fun with some people you met, I stayed up playing monopoly until one a.m. with people I didn’t know and it was awesome. If you do go out you know how to protect yourself. You probably have a larger sense of self-preservation because you know what it is like.
It’s okay if you don’t go crazy in your four years of college. It’s okay if you never go out and party until two a.m. It’s okay if you don’t have a random hookup, and it’s okay if you tell someone no, I promise. You’ll thank yourself later if you just say no to all those people on discovery weekend, you’ll feel better and you’ll be more confident without the constant looming of past trauma hanging over your head during that first weekend. You’re strong too, don’t forget that. You made it past the rough time, now go have some fun, you deserve it.