I was asked recently “Louise, how do you manage a degree and a relationship?”.
It made me wonder about the failed relationships and degrees that fail because people don’t manage time well. So I thought I should share how I have managed to maintain a strong relationship, a 2:1/first level degree and a job (as well as a pretty good social life) for the first two years of my university life.
Firstly, I think the main thing about working this out is knowing how to say no.
You’re constantly asked to take up extra curriculum activities, to work an extra shift, to go out to the latest house party and (especially in my Drama degree) to help people out. While some things you just can’t turn down, saying no to Pub Golf or to working until 4am so you can work on your essay may just be that difference between a 2:2 and a First. The same has to happen in a relationship. If your partner asks you if they can come up and see you and you know you have a deadline/friends party/a pole dancing lesson, don’t cancel your plans to keep your partner sweet. Explain to them the plans in place and they’ll understand that you’ll see them another time. This also works the other way round, if you’ve arranged to meet them and then someone invites you out for dinner, don’t cancel on them because they will see they are being replaced by Uni life and that’s when problems will start.
Next is: getting a diary.
This may sound like it isn’t a necessity but believe me, it will help you wonders. I can’t even tell you the amount of times I double booked my plans in the last two years. I’d agreed to rehearse on the same day I was working, or meet my parents when I had an essay due. A diary is a life-saver in that way, just pencil in who you’re seeing, what time and day and BAM, double-bookings are history! Plus this way there’s a much less likely chance people will get mad at you, and who needs arguments in their lives?
Explaining is a thing that you should really get used to doing.
If your partner wanted to come and stay on Saturday night but you’d made plans to have a board game night in with the girls, don’t just say “I’m busy” because that will drive their imagination wild. Just explain what you’re doing and their mind will be at peace. The same happens with work, if they say “can you stay on until midnight?” and you desperately need to finish your PowerPoint, don’t say “Oh no sorry I can’t” because they’ll see it as you being lazy and unhelpful. A little explaining can go a long way and when they understand the situation, they’re more likely to be happy enough to let you do your own thing and not hold a grudge against you.
Finally just manage your time between people in the best way possible.
This seems quite obvious but if you’ve seen your partner for four days of a week and all you’ve done is lay down in bed watching films, eating take-aways and having a cheeky fondle (we’ve all been there,) and this lazy period has lead you to getting behind on work and forgetting your friends names, perhaps you should arrange to see your partner one day the next week but make it a really fun day, go to a theme park or have a picnic, do something that you’ll both remember and laugh about and then go home and watch a film, eat a take-away and fondle. Having one great day is better than having four mediocre days and you’ll have time to do other things which could get you ahead.
Just be honest, organised and persistent and you’ll find it much easier to juggle all the things that uni life will throw at you.