“Oh my god, look over to the left,” my friend whispered. I turned my head and saw a girl, scantily clad in what was obviously last night’s sequined dress and spindly heels, climbing out of a guy’s truck. It was 10:30 in the morning. We watched her disappear into her dorm room.
And then my friend said the words I’d been hoping I wouldn’t hear, the ones that had made me unobtrusively cross my fingers in an attempt to ward them off.
“She’s doing the walk of shame!”
The. Walk. Of. Shame.
As in, it’s shameful that you spent the night with a guy, engaging in consensual, mutual pleasure.
As in, even if you didn’t engage in said consensual, mutual pleasure, it’s shameful that you look like you did.
As in, it’s shameful that you’re out in public — even for a few brief seconds — looking less than perfect.
As in, it’s shameful that you have sexual preferences or desires and you act on them.
As in, your behavior is not okay.
When you break down the connotations of the term, it’s no longer a humorous, slightly snarky characterization of a common college phenomenon. It becomes another way in which society punishes women for not living up to impossible standards.
We don’t associate the term “walk of shame” with men. In fact, we don’t give what men do a name at all. Maybe it’s because when guys have casual sex, they’re not violating any moral codes. Most of society applauds them for getting laid.
If you’re a woman who’s staying safe, enjoying your sexuality and following your own rules, then you’re the one who deserves applause. What you’re doing isn’t shameful; it’s brave. That’s why the term “walk of shame” isn’t only oppressive and outdated and loaded with insinuations, it’s just plain wrong.
And if you’re a woman who’s never done the walk of shame and never plans to, that doesn’t mean that you can ignore the phrase — or worse — use it. Every time someone does, it reinforces the message that women can’t act outside the boundaries of what’s commonly deemed “appropriate” without damage to her reputation. Those implications extend to every female out there. We all deserve respect; none of us deserve shame.
I turned to my friend, and I told her that. She eyed me a little skeptically.
“Whatever. It’s just words, right?”
Right. Just like “faggot” and the n-word and the c-word are “just words.”
Women — we make up 50 percent of the population. Let’s eradicate the term “walk of shame,” shall we?