Early in life, I didn’t realize how much stereotypical gender roles were going to affect me. I lived a “tomboy” childhood, and it was so amazing. Everyday my best friend and I filmed our own “horror movies”, played in the mud for hours, and never once worried about our appearance. Around the third grade I no longer attended school with my best friend, and I slowly started to feel like playing outside in the dirt wasn’t okay anymore. Boys developed “cooties” and suddenly I felt like I could no longer talk to them at recess. I was coerced into playing a “girl’s game” at recess that was called “House.” In the game we had imaginary families, took care of babies and waited for our husbands to come home from work.
At the time, I didn’t see the problem in these games. I didn’t realize that it was wrong. Each time I played those games and tried a little harder to look “beautiful,” I was unknowingly losing a part of myself. Disclaimer: There is absolutely nothing wrong with wanting to look beautiful, but it was wrong for me because I began to feel like I needed to prove myself, that people wouldn’t love me for being myself.
I continued this subconscious downward spiral all the way until my senior year of high school. I am ashamed of how much time and money I invested into my appearance and actions to impress others in order to make myself more “attractive.”
It’s important that we acknowledge these early gender influences in our society and work to stop them. I’ve never experienced as much freedom as I have now that I embrace all the feelings I have, say what I want to say, and wear whatever the f*** I want.
Following this presidential election, it is SO hard for me to find the words to say. I’m worried that all of our country’s progress will vanish from our hands. That gendered razors and gel pens will exist for all of eternity.That the phrase “you throw like a girl” will continue wasting space in our conversations. That little girls will unknowingly play housewife and lose their confidence, when they should be taught that they are more than just a housewife and there there is opportunity waiting for them. While these problems seem minute, they have a ripple effect: young women become scared to walk home alone and violent rapists receive short term prison sentences.
Men also face constant pressure by gender roles as well, which contributes to a very unhealthy mindset. Men are expected to hold in their emotions, to never cry, and to be masculine. Emotions are human and universal. By teaching boys to act like masculine robots, we are dehumanizing them. By teaching young girls that they were “asking for it” when they presented a clear “no,” we are dehumanizing them.
The way to solve this problem is through our children. The experiences children have alter how they view the world. As I said before, I didn’t know anything was wrong with playing “House” at recess. I didn’t see the issue at hand because it was what I learned and all I knew at the time. I thought that I could only be attracted to men, and that I could never wear boyish clothes. I thought I always had to look pretty. Now, if I want to wear “boy” clothes, I do—while some days I’m more inclined to wear skirts. I encourage everyone to wear and do whatever makes them happy. It’s an amazing type of freedom I am grateful to have discovered.
Being in college has allowed me to learn so much more about myself, and embrace the fact that I’ll never be completely feminine. I’ll always have a masculine side to me, that would rather hang out with boys, dress boyish and play in the mud. College has taught me that it’s very possible to sit in the middle of the spectrum of femininity and masculinity. Ruby Rose discussed gender fluidity in an interview by the Huffington Post.
“For the most part, I definitely don’t identify as any gender. I’m not a guy; I don’t really feel like a woman, but obviously I was born one. So, I’m somewhere in the middle, which — in my perfect imagination — is like having the best of both sexes. I have a lot of characteristics that would normally be present in a guy and then less that would be present in a woman. But then sometimes I’ll put on a skirt — like today.”
Although I don’t specifically identify as genderfluid, I consider myself to have a masculine side to my personality, and I’m a huge fan of Ruby Rose’s “Break Free” video, which was created to encourage everyone to feel happy in their own skin and express themselves.
It’s important that we break through gender roles and stop expecting different genders to live their lives a defined way. Everyone has a mixture of both femininity and masculinity, and it’s important that we begin to embrace that.
When I talk to my daughter or son one day, I don’t want to say that I spent my valuable time on earth being “pretty” and “feminine”. I want to say I lived a life of love, that I fought for change and escaped the pressures to conform to what society defines as a woman. I want to inspire strength in everyone I meet.I want to teach my daughter that it’s okay to play in the mud, or my son that’s it’s okay to cry when you’re sad. Now that I’ve tasted that freedom, no one will ever take it away from me. Now is the time to be more empowered than we have ever been. Only negative change happens overnight, but improvement takes time. Positive change requires sweat and tears, and an undying persistence.
To hell with being ladylike.