1. Sweatpants as an Everyday Clothing Choice
Your high school volleyball pants, Ugg boots and sloppy bun look…not working as well as you thought.
2. Extended Hangovers
Wearing your hangover as an actual outfit out in public at the age of 26 will land you V.I.P access to Alcoholics Anonymous in no time. Wearing it to work will land you a V.I.P pass to the unemployment collection line.
3. Living Down to Your Last Penny
Strategically planning your money out so that you have just enough for the cheapest alcohol and a couple of McDoubles is definitely a habit you should break sooner rather than later.
4. Daily Mid-Afternoon Naps
Four hours is not considered a catnap.
5. The Fourth Meal
Late night 89-cent Beefy Five Layer Burrito runs are going to become a deep-dark secret of your past. Mainly because having queso dip stains on your sheets from eating it in bed while watching re-runs of Friends is really gross.
6. Showing Up Just for the Free Food
Say goodbye to your whole “feed the poor” campaign. Potlucks are not an alternative to grocery shopping.
7. Eating Ramen Every Night
You are going to come to a point in your life where you actually start to care about things like cholesterol. Your meals should consist of at least two things that grow from the earth and that costs more than $3 for a bulk supply.
8. Provocative Halloween Costumes
I don’t think your boss will appreciate your Sheila B. Naughty cop costume at your work party as much as that boy at the frat party did freshman year.
9. Being a Sloppy Drunk
Nobody wants to be that girl that blacks out and knocks over the cake at cousin Shelly’s baby shower. Learning to casually drink is imperative to your adult human existence.
10. Crazy Spring Breaks
We need to start drawing a line with spring break, including setting an age limit for Panama City Beach.
11. Dramatic Relationships With Your Boyfriend
The whole “young, naïve and still confused about love” thing can only last you so long before MTV camera crews start showing up.
12. Monday Funday, Boozeday Tuesday, Wine Wednesday and Thirsty Thursday
Need I say anything more about our drinking habits?
13. Living in Filth
There will come a point in your life when alcohol bottles are no longer a form of décor and dishes need to be done more often than biweekly.
14. Duct Taping Two 40s to Your Hands and Calling it a Game
Any games that start with the explanation of “the first one to blackout wins” will no longer qualify as a recreational event.