It’s common these days to hear about Muslim perspectives on political affairs, but very rarely do I come across an article about their perspectives on anything to do with daily lives. A huge part of our lives revolves around dating and love, at least according to a couple of my professors.
I personally don’t prioritize dating in my life, which is probably why I haven’t had a solid relationship and instead stray more towards casual dates with people I sometimes only meet once. Others, however, feel as though they don’t fit into the current dating scene in the West entirely. They either don’t put themselves out there because they don’t want to try and fail or feel as though it doesn’t fit in with their religious beliefs. There’s always so much uncertainty on whether or not the person that they meet will respect their beliefs and values when it comes to love and dating. Dating in the U.S. isn’t exactly Islamic — Western dating styles are seen as more liberal compared to the way some of us have been brought up, and it seems like it would be difficult to find someone who would respect the way that we were raised. It’s definitely hard to navigate as a college student since most of the people casually date, which isn’t something most of us were taught growing up.
Some disagreed with the general ideas of how dating is carried out these days. Tinder, one person says, takes away the chase from dating as it already puts you in a situation where you know that the other person is interested in you. It relies too much on social media and makes conversations less authentic.
Of course, it’s not as if Muslims haven’t found a way into the western culture of dating. Being first or second generation Muslims in western countries, we have found ways to create our own space within the current dating culture. Sometimes it involves sneaking out, since some parents aren’t too comfortable with dating, especially when we were much younger. This meant that you wouldn’t have been able to talk to your parents about your dating life and you had to be much more careful than most. As we grow older, parents start to ease up on the idea of dating, and it becomes much easier.
Faith also plays a role in who we date. Some prefer to date someone from their own culture and religion only in serious relationships. Others, who only date with the idea of marriage being the ultimate goal, want to only date from their own religion. It is definitely easier to date someone who is Muslim since you wouldn’t need to have that conversation about what your faith and values. They would match up much more easily with someone who is already Muslim, and therefore had the same upbringing.
Marriage may be something that’s difficult to talk about right now since a majority of us are under 25, but it plays a role in the way that some of us date. It’s important to find someone who’s suitable for you in terms of personality characteristics, and someone you can bring home to your family. It’s important to have honesty in your relationships and find someone who has the same traditional values as you. You wouldn’t want to date someone who is hypocritical and isn’t considerate about your faith and your beliefs. You want someone who would respect you while still challenging you. Some Muslims want to find someone who puts value in their religion – even though how much Islam plays a role in someone’s life may be different for different people.
The concept of arranged marriage came up amongst the people I talked to. While most agreed that it wasn’t something for them, they drew upon some of the ideology that surrounds arranged marriages in terms of their own dating life. Arranged marriage is not just a union of two individuals but of two families. It normally occurs through familial ties or through larger networks. While this might work out really well back in Muslim majority countries, it doesn’t work well in the west because the network is much much smaller. Thus, it might be easier to find someone on your own through work or school. However, a few key concepts such as finding someone with a similar background and similar values still play a role. Also, it was important to some that the person that they date is someone that they can bring home to their family and someone that would get along well with the people in their lives.
From what I’ve observed, faith does play a large role in who Muslims date, whether they are super religious or not. It comes down to basic values and traditions that might not be seen outside the Muslim community because of a different upbringing. I personally mesh better with someone who shares the same beliefs as I do, since the conversation just flows a lot easier.