Valentine’s day’s arriving. Around the world, flowers, chocolates, and jewelry are all lined up and ready to be taken as tokens of love and appreciation for the people we hold dearest.
To those who are single, however, valentine’s day can have a different effect.
Known colloquially as Single Awareness Day to those without a partner, valentine’s day has long since been the cause of strife, protest parties and countless memes in the single community.
Throughout the month of February, the blogosphere will blow up with titles such as ‘Why I hate valentine’s day’ or ‘21 facts about single people’ as around the globe, the single population bemoans being alone on a day meant to celebrate romantic relationships.
While Valentine Day isn’t without it’s problems, it’s interesting to see where all the bitterness comes from.
Heartbreak has a science behind it. In 2010, a study was done to track the brain’s reaction to feelings of anger and hurt. According to an article in berkley.edu “Parts of the brain were trying to override others. The orbital frontal cortex, which is involved in learning from emotions and controlling behavior, activated.”
With these experiences shaping love and heartbreak, it is not a surprise to find some people embittered with the concept of having a day dedicated to couplehood.
However, even those who have never had a significant other also seem to have resentment for the holiday. The reasons behind these second types of anti-valentines however, has very little to do with heartbreak and more to do with societal norms.
There’s a stigma around being single. If you don’t have a partner, there are always people who feel like you should have one. From well-intentioned parents to people who just love to point out how they’ve never had romance in their lives both men and women experience pressure and are told in subtle and not-so-subtle ways that being single isn’t the natural way to be, especially after a certain age.
These stigmas can lead to feelings of inadequacy, as people start to believe that the fact that they’ve never been in a relationship is a reflection of themselves. That is to say, they fall into the believe that there’s something wrong with them and tie their self-esteem to whether or not they can find a partner. They feel abnormal, despite the fact that according to an essay in the New York Times, “five million people in the United States between ages 18 and 34 live alone, 10 times more than in 1950.”
These feelings of inadequacy only further the problem, since it leads people to jump into relationships simply for the sake of being in one. It can also lead to unrealistic expectations, as single people glorify being in a relationship and fall in love with the fantasy of a relationship. They then become frustrated and embittered when the relationship inevitably goes sour.It’s because of this sentiment and the romantic failures that follow that most single people hold a rather useless hatred towards Valentine’s Day. The feelings of inadequacy boil to the surface in the face of so many people who have achieved what they perceived they have failed to do. This in turn only serves to make them more desperate for a relationship, which in turn can lead to more failed relationships and more resentment at their single status.
In short, they’re lonely and horny and salty, and they hate everyone who isn’t.
While it’s understandable for these people to despise Valentine’s Day, it isn’t really reasonable. If you’re single on Valentine’s and it’s a new development, there’s probably a reason for that. If you left a relationship because it was detrimental or toxic, having them around for Valentines would not have fixed your problems. Breakups happen for a reason and rethinking one on the concept of chocolate and flowers despite all the strife the relationship may have caused you isn’t reasonable.
If you’re in a relationship and that isn’t a new development, it begs the question as to why you thought a holiday would change that. As harsh as it is to hear, you not having a partner on Valentine’s day isn’t really different from you not having a partner every other day of your life. What’s more, the fact that you actually hate a day because it makes those around you happy and that you dislike that your friends are happy, says that you probably have issues and should probably work on those issues before you add someone new in your life.
if you’re single on Valentine’s day, treat it like any other day (because it is). Hang out with friends who are also single, go see the movie, stay home and play a game or read a book. I guarantee the day you finally meet someone will be ten times more special than a commercialized holiday. And it will happen when it’s meant to happen, no amount of complaining or bemoaning will make it happen sooner.
So until it happens, live a fruitful life. No salt required.