It’s a Sunday night. You’ve gathered all of your dirty clothes in your nifty hangable hamper, slung it over your shoulder and trekked 4 floors down, detergent and quarters in hand, to the holy land of laundry. You see the laundry room door, you hear the chuggachuggachugga of the dryers and you feel happier, because you know behind that door lies the solution to all your stinkiest problems. No more wearing your dirty jeans with that soon to be noticeable tomato sauce stain. No more checking for deodorant marks on your black T-shirt. Breathe a sigh of relief, the light at the end of the tunnel lies just through those doors.
You turn the handle, pull your heavy hamper through the doorway and..wait, what’s this?? The machines are full, three of them, done with their cycle but not emptied. Angry and weary from your journey, you can’t help it. Your fingers reach for the careless stranger’s delicates. In a trance you begin to grab and toss, one handful after another, over the dryer. Stop right there. I can’t let you do that.
For many years the unspoken code of the dorm room laundromats has been, just that, unspoken. It’s time to get a few things straight: once and for all dispel the myths and implement the Laundry Room Code of Law(ndry).
Number 1: Thou shalt not steal.
You’ve just toiled down flight after flight of stairs with your seventy pounds of clothes. Suddenly you realize you’ve left your detergent behind. An unsuspecting student has left his bottle sitting conspicuously, tauntingly, on the machine he’s using. Could it really hurt anyone if you borrow just a little bit of his? No one will know. Well, karma will know my friend. Put that detergent down. Code of Law(ndry) is to trust your fellow launderer, and this trust must be maintained at all times.
Number 2: Thou shalt not nap extensively during laundry time.
It’s tempting to use that down time for nap time. But know that while most fellow launderers are good, you draw the evil side by leaving your defenseless wardrobe unattended during high laundering time. You don’t want to end up with some misplaced jammies, so don’t tempt the beast. Be prompt about your pickups and drop off’s.
Number 3: Thou shalt not fold when there is a crowd.
Forget the fact that not everyone needs to see every single thong you own. When there is a line of launderers waiting for their turn at that febreeze fresh scent, don’t sit and fold each individual item. It will take you just as long if you throw everything in your hamper and fold it all in your room. Maybe less time if you account for shifting of hamper contents during your trip back. Remember, young launderer, make allies, not enemies.
Number 4: Thou shalt sort ahead of time. And check pockets for loose change.
Get the grunt work out of the way: don’t spend two hours toggling between your whites machine and your darks machine. Bring down one hamper at a time and make sure you don’t leave anything in your pockets! Cash may get stolen, and coins may break the machine. Don’t fall victim to laziness, launderer.
Number 5: Thou shalt clean the lint screen in the dryer.
Simply because it’s a fire hazard, also because it’s annoying when you don’t.
Number 6: Thou shalt not stuff.
..The machines…what you stuff on your own time is your own business. Launderers, the machines are not made of stone, they are fragile too. Do not overload the washers or dryers, your laundry will suffer.
Number 7: Thou shalt not beg.
Each shot at laundering success will cost you: exactly one precious dollar, in the form of four quarters or who cash. Do not start your laundry only to realize you are short on payment. Walking around and begging for quarters is unbecoming and may cheat generous fellow launderers of valuable coinage.
Number 8: Thou shalt not loiter impatiently.
Just as the toiling launderer should be considerate of his colleague on a time constraint, the impatient launderer must not rush his fellow man/woman through their cleansing. Hovering may backfire, causing your victim to get nervous or lose focus, and leave you waiting longer.
Number 9: Thou shalt save water.
By pushing the bright colors button as often as possible.
Number 10: Thou shalt not sneak.
There is a sense of understanding between launderers from all dorms: you will not prematurely empty a washer or dryer. Do not give in to temptation and selfishly toss others’ clothes all over the laundry room in an attempt to make room for your own. Karma will not be your friend and you too, will find clothing scattered left and right by a distressed fellow launderer.
So there it is launderers, the official Code of Law(ndry). Now it is your turn to spread the word. Share this code with all who violate it, so that one day we may live in a world where whites and colors may live together in harmony (without bleeding) and laundromats are full of laundro-mates.
Where we finally launder as one.