Let’s get one thing straight. I don’t have anything against Keri Hilson as a matter of fact I think she has a decent voice. Thanks to Rebecca and Jenna, I almost forgot why this song even bothered me. The song I’m talking about is Pretty Girl Rock. I think Keri Hilson’s beautiful, and what’s more I’ll even go as far as to say that the song itself is pretty catchy. But after watching this video it FINALLY occurred to me why this song makes my skin curl. Keri Hilson is one seriously conceited chick.
I think both the words and the video deserve their due recognition because both exceeded my general expectations of stupidity. I can almost guarantee that she didn’t write these lyrics, not because they’re bad, but simply because she doesn’t strike me as the type to do anything on her own. But whoever did write them should be thoroughly reamed for the fact that they couldn’t keep the three syllables of “derriere” together. It took me three times listening to that line to understand what a dairy……….air was. Although I almost immediately caught on when she shook that enormous thing in a very aggressive way during the first thirty seconds of her video. Yeah, Keri, that’s why they’re staring…if my back end was propelling me from one side of a room to another I assume I’d get a few curious looks too.
Next we find out that Keri is not only pretty as a picture, but sweeter than a swisher. First of all, what is a swisher? This is a completely serious question because when I looked it up I found the following definitions:
- To move with a hissing or whistling sound, as a whip.
- To rustle, as silk.
- Effeminate
- A city located in Johnson County, Iowa
Keri…what? Not to mention, this entire video you keep giving these weird, stuck up, condescending sort of looks to the camera and I have to be honest, even if I could find even one meaning of the word swisher that implied in any way something that I could consider sweet, you don’t really seem sweeter than anything. As a matter of fact I probably wouldn’t want to be your friend. Not just cause you think you’re pretty. Because you don’t seem like a very nice person. I’m sorry..that’s just how I feel.
The video itself starts out with Keri looking similar to those sad girls in swim caps from the Nuva Ring commercial (before it goes to color). It is made (I assume) to look like a black and white silent movie, with Keri dressed in a bathing suit and pearls and dancing in between two slabs of stone covered in hieroglyphics. Whatever.
Suddenly Keri gets an angry look on her face, maybe because she didn’t get to go into the hot tub with the rest of the Nuva Ring girls or maybe because she wants out of the mummy’s tomb. Or perhaps the swim cap is on too tight. In case you were wondering Keri, it’s not how fly you are that’s “skeri”, it’s that face you made at 00:11. Here’s where I finally noticed something. Every lyric of the song at some point pops up on the screen. This is both distracting and insulting because frankly I can hear you saying the words, I don’t need them to keep popping up on the screen and obstructing my view of your otherwise nonsensical journey through ages of female stereotypes. I did happen to see in between the giant letters to notice your hair color keep changing? That’s not very good for your hair, you’d better hope that some guy “meri”’s you now while you’re still beautiful enough to sing about it and before all your hair falls out.
Finally the video comes to an end and we see Keri in her jeans and t-shirt in an attempt to look natural, which is funny because she’s both airbrushed and made up. Very natural, good looks on that. In conclusion, I don’t recommend this video, and who ever choreographed it should be jailed.
Happy Friday! Let me know what you think of Keri’s ode to …Keri.