*Disclaimer: The opinions expressed by this writer are not the opinion of Brandeis University or Her Campus Brandeis.
Breaking up with someone is never easy. Inevitably both parties end up hurt. It doesn’t matter who dumped whom. There are ways to make ending a relationship you cared about slightly easier in the short run. It doesn’t matter how long the relationship was: a month, two weeks, two years or five years. It will hurt and might cause unstable emotions for a little bit.
I am not saying never break up with someone. There are times when you feel the situation out and know it isn’t the right thing for you. There are moments when you know this is not what you want to be doing with your life. The two of you might have different feelings about politics, how you see the world or what you both want from the relationship might be polar opposites. In this case, it is 100% acceptable to end said relationship.
When the time comes to have that conversation, actually have it. Try and avoid the following:
1) Texting – this is never a good form of communication, especially when you are giving someone bad news. While it is the way of the 21st century and college, it should not be the default for any serious conversation. You miss so much over text. You can’t see their face, body movements or hear intonations.
2) Baked Goods – breakup cakes are a thing and it has been done. This might be even more painful than a text. No one would ever want to get a cake like this.
3) Breaking up in public spaces – be considerate to your soon to be ex. Don’t have a tough conversation like this in a public space. It can be very emotional and potentially embarrassing for the other person. You also might get quoted and put on twitter.
4) Using television references–using lines from television shows does not make the experience any more pleasant. I’m sure the writers of our favorite comedies did not write their lines so they can be used as breakup clichés.
5) Using clichés – when you start a conversation with the words, “we need to talk” it will never end well. Trying to convince your partner you are not ending it is futile after a certain point: don’t sugarcoat it. “It’s not you, it’s me” is not always a valid argument. There are two people in a relationship so both parties played some role in the reason for breaking up.
When the time comes for you to breakup with a significant other have a conversation with them. Use Skype, a telephone or do it in person. Both parties need the chance to make their case. The issues might be resolved then. Communication is a huge part in any relationship. A one-sided breakup is the hardest because there is no communication or discussion about why the relationship is ending. Spare your significant other clichés and be honest. Breakups can be the best personal growth moments for people but only if they know what they did so they can fix it for their next relationship.
Understand they will be angry with you and they might be sad or awkward around you. There is a chance your relationship with them in all capacities will be over. Breakups are the hardest thing to do. They are also empowering and should always be learning experiences. Don’t hold it against the other if it happens to you. Use the knowledge you have and be prepared to move on with your life when you feel ready.