Chemistry. Spark. Or perhaps, that mysterious (to steal a term from Carrie Bradshaw) zsa zsa zsu. They’re all aiming to define something indefinable, an instant attraction between two people. Ideally, this spark occurs between two people who could at some point, after getting to know each other, develop deeper feelings of love and affection. In a perfect world, spark would happen between people who are compatible. In a perfect world… But alas, our world is not a perfect one. And sometimes spark, the strongest spark of your life, happens with someone who is so completely wrong for you. I was recently talking to a couple of friends and we realized that we had all experienced this- intense sparks with guys who we could never be in relationships with. When it happened to me, I was taken completely by surprise. I had absolutely nothing in common with this guy. Our lives, our backgrounds, our ages, everything was wrong, totally and utterly wrong. And yet, the connection between us was so intense, it made it almost hard to be together. Every time I was around him, I wanted to force a relationship, even a friendship, with him. How could we have this sort of connection but not have anything come of it? Sometimes, though, you have to just realize when there’s nothing more than spark. Sometimes zsa zsa zsu is just that. A friend of mine had an experience with a guy our sophomore year. They hooked up for the majority of the year and more than once tried to make it into something more. But their conversations went nowhere. They really had nothing in common- not even enough to fuel casual conversation. But the connection between them! She couldn’t believe that there was so much intense chemistry, without there being anything else. It didn’t seem possible. But there it was- an amazing connection and no relationship to back it up. It made me wonder: what is this thing, this spark that happens?
How can it be that two people have such amazing chemistry without the possibility of it turning into something more? On one hand, it’s a bit sad, the reminder that sometimes we can’t have it all. We can have the mind-blowing sex, without the perfect relationship. And once you’ve had said mind-blowing sex, will you be happy to start a relationship without the spark? Because at the end of the day, spark is just spark. You can’t wish it good luck on a test and it won’t be there for you when your dog dies. It’s not forever and it might not even be for tomorrow. And yet it’s intoxicating. I can only speak for my friends and myself, but we have done some truly moronic and yes, even harmful things in pursuit of this zsa zsa zsu. There’s just no explaining the power it has over you.
Of course, this doesn’t mean that it has to be either/or. If you happen to find both, you’re a lucky girl and I’m super jealous of you. If you find yourself sparking with someone totally compatible, then go for it! I just want to throw out a word of warning, based solely on my personal experience. Chemistry and spark can be a great thing, but it doesn’t mean that the person is a good match for you, at that moment or maybe ever. Mind-blowing sex is certainly nothing to sneeze at and I would never discourage someone from pursuing and partaking in it. Because it’s awesome. But I can say with total confidence that allowing that mind-blowing sex to convince you to pursue a relationship with someone who’s horrible for you is not so awesome. Basically, be smart, be safe, and be open-minded to experiencing that zsa zsa zsu!