When we were kids, we played with our Razor Scooters, Etch-A-Sketches, and Skip Its (remember those?!). Now that we’re all grown up, college boys and girls like to play games with each other. Just step into any weekend party and you’ll see the games people play. The sexy-eyes-across-the-room, the oops-I-stumbled-and-fell-into-you, the hand-on-the-shoulder-as-I’m-impressed-by-your-beer-fueled-wit, and, simply, the I’ll-just-make-out-with-your-neck-until-you-turn-your-head, which is almost exclusively played at social house parties, usually in the basement. Everyone has their game of choice and some people play no games at all, sometimes because they choose not to and sometimes because they just can’t.
With all of this knowledge, I couldn’t help but wonder: If we’re all just playing games, how can you sort out what’s real?
A non-Bowdoin friend of mine recently fell victim to a classic game. You know how it goes: Boy meets girl, girl drunkenly dances with/hooks up with said boy, boy gets girl’s number and talks about how much he likes her and wants to date her, girl falls for boy, boy as it turns out is only interested in doing the horizontal mambo with said girl, girl figures it out, cries, eats copious amounts of food, and moves on. She later found out that she was not the only girl who was taken in by the smooth moves of Beguiling Bro. Earlier in the year, a close friend of hers had the exact same experience with the same guy and it ended when she discovered that he had a girlfriend. How can this be?! These girls both got totally blind sided (like Sandra Bullock in the Jesse James saga, not the movie)!
I think I get it, though. Game is all about doing/saying what you think your opponent wants. Beguiling Bro over here figured out that these girls wanted to hear that they were special to him and not just any other girl. Was it slimy of him to play with their emotions like that? Yes. But was it effective? Absolutely.
So what’s the problem exactly?
I guess my issues with games come about when one of the people involved doesn’t care to play. If Beguiling Bro had encountered a girl wanting just what he wanted, there would be no problem at all. They would have done their deed and moved on. Great. But how can you tell? I certainly can’t. I’ve been to enough soirées to have been witness to Bowdoin boys and girls who probably should get “Best Game” trophies. My friends and I like to talk signature moves: arm behind the head while dancing, the same cute little fact or story you tell at least once a weekend, obligatory light-hearted mocking of whatever sports team he’s on. And of course, it works.
I haven’t yet mentioned one of the most important aspects of ‘the game’ – texting. Is there anything that causes more stress to a budding romance/ friends with benefits/ 2nd hookup? Not a day goes by that one of my friends or I ask each other’s advice about when or what to text a boy. A friend of mine recently had a particularly fantastic hook up and got the number of the guy in question (yay!). The problem was that he didn’t get hers (boo!). He has expressed some level of continued interest by friending her on Facebook but now the ball is 100% in her court. And what does she do? When is it appropriate to text him and when she does, what should she say? My latest thing began with such a perfectly played set up that I was sure my boy had consulted the Pick Up Artist (although honestly, what could the tool tell anyone? He wears a boa and goggles!) We hooked up on a Saturday night, he friended me late Sunday and on Thursday evening as I was heading into yoga class, my phone sang out. “Hey it’s ________. How’s your week been?” Well played, sir.
The cell phone is both a blessing and a curse when it comes to game play. It can facilitate a booty call or break your heart when you stare at it, willing it to go off, and it simply refuses to. And planning out just the right thing to say is so agonizing. Should you say ‘Hey what’s up?’ or ‘Hey how’s it going?’ or none of the above? How long should you wait before responding? If he responds hours and hours later, does it mean he’s uninterested or just busy? This is a game that is particularly difficult for me to understand because I’m addicted to my phone. I always have it and if it takes me more than 2 hours to respond, presume that I’m dead.
My friend (who is strikingly bro-like in her sensibilities) has been known to take 5 or 6 hours to respond to any one of the boys she has stringing behind her (her game deserves its own article). She says that taking so long to respond keeps them on their toes. I am naturally really impatient and also a phone addict, so I usually don’t take her advice.
So I guess the answer to my question is that there is no answer… There really isn’t a good way to tell who’s a player and who’s for real. But the thing that’s been proven most effective in my honestly kind of extensive field research is just figuring out what you want and going for it. Want a cuddle buddy for the night? A consistent but purely physical thing? A boyfriend? I honestly think every collegiette™ has it in her to get exactly what she wants. So grab your Monopoly, Clue, or Scrabble and get out there!