Although several aspects of college are lots of fun (i.e. partying and meeting new people), there are several aspects of college that are stressful, upsetting, and depressing, such as picking a major, choosing classes, or making friends. Nevertheless, one of the most worrying aspects of college is housing.
Oye!!! Where do I begin? Choosing where to live is several people’s least favorite parts of college. Girls and boys become caddy and backstabbing as they try to decide where to live—they want the best possible option and tend not to think about their friends and their feelings (we are people, we all have feelings).
When deciding on housing there are two key factors: where to live and with whom to live. Deciding where to live—in my opinion—is not as important as with whom you are living. However, some people don’t like to walk far and want to live close to the heart of campus. And of course, there are the people who don’t mind walking far and would rather live far from campus in a more independent environment.
No matter where you want to live, you have to decide with whom you want to live and this is when it gets tricky. Questions you need to ask yourself about compatibility with your future roommate: are you a studier or a partier? Do you stay up late or wake up early? Do you play loud music? Do you bring people back to the room every weekend?
When people think about these questions, they can more easily decide if they are compatible with another person. In addition, however, some people are just good roomies and others just don’t get it—like the kid who leaves all of his belongings everywhere (get your act together).
Still, the heart of rooming is when it get’s caddy. Most people want to live with friends and choose roommates based on friends. Usually, if you are good friends with someone you would most likely be able to room with them. In fact, living with a friend could even strengthen a friendship. However, some friends think that they can’t live with another friend and then take precaution to avoid dealing with that friend. A friend IS a friend and not being able to room with someone does not make anyone less of a friend, but everyone in the situation needs to realize how to handle the situation. Some people are scared of not rooming with their friends because they believe that they will lose that person as a friend because they will get into so many fights. News flash, if you think that by not living with a person may make or break a friendship, and then you need to reconsider that friendship. A friendship should not be based solely on a rooming situation. Friendships develop from rooming but should be extended beyond the room because you are not going to be living with this person for the rest of your life (unless you are dating and then you should definitely not be rooming together—you are only in college).
However, not being able to live with a friend in a one-to-one situation is different from not being able to live with a friend in a group of friends. By not including a friend in a group rooming decision, that friend may feel alienated and left out. It may be appropriate to confront that person and talk to him/her and explain yourself (if you even have any explaining to do—you may have just been an awful friend and forgot to even think of this friend and in that case shame on you).
With rooming, the key is to be honest. If you think that you can’t room with one of your good friends—tell that person. Just say, I don’t think I can room with you, nothing more and nothing less. Do not say I will room with you and then go behind his or her back and make new rooming plans. And also do not make fun of that person by saying he or she would be awful to room with and would probably be the last person you would ever room with—that is just plane rude (honestly that friend probably doesn’t want to room with you anymore because you have just been cute from the friend list).
Still, there are several reason why someone may not want to room with a friend—it may truly not be personal. Maybe this friend is nocturnal and enjoys talking to raccoons at night (ummm some of us need to sleep). Or maybe this friend has a serious relationship and everytime someone comes back to the room the significant other is there. And the significant other smells, and is just plain gross and you don’t want to deal with him or her and his/her presence (I can’t stand her/him—can’t they move to a hotel). Or maybe this friend invites people over who you just really don’t like and you can deal with (Ewwww, why is sheee / heeeeeee here?). Or maybe this friend is dramatic and people get into a lot of fights with him or her and you just don’t want to deal with the drama (Did you want a Tony because you need to save it for the stage).
Rooming becomes personal and it really should not be. Everyone should be more honest with each other and the whole situation will be less stressful, upsetting, and depressing. If people really thought about what they want and tried to consider other people’s feelings, rooming wouldn’t be as touchy. Sometimes everyone needs to sit back and recognize this is only a room for one year, you are not getting married to anyone and it is what you make of it—a rooming situation can be awful or amazing. It is what it is.