Dating. It should be easy right? As we are reminded in the opening scene of 500 Days of Summer, “There’s only two kinds of people in the world. There’s women, and there’s men.” Well, that sounds simple enough to me. You like a boy, you talk to the boy, the boy likes you back, and you two date and live happily ever after.
You like the boy and you think he likes you back because he gave you a really nice smile when you walked by him in the quad and he said he liked your scarf, but then he starts sending you all these mixed signals and you know he saw you in the Rat but purposefully didn’t say hi, but your friends convince you that he really does like you and last Saturday wasn’t just a black out make out and that you should text him to hang out and not be concerned at all, but then when he does answer and say “ya id love to hang out.. hockey game tn?” you start questioning whether or not you actually like him or if you like that cute guy in your calc class who’s been flirting with you all week…
And that’s not even a complicated one.
What makes these mystifying, emotionally tolling situations even worse is how awkward we women become when we like a boy. When we call boys confusing and hard to read, we might as well call ourselves the pot at the same time, or the kettle, whichever. If you think you’re perfectly normal and totally not awkward in these situations, read on, friends. I’m sure we’ve all been guilty of some or all of these things.
You purposefully delay your text back to him.
After texting your heart throb, you check your phone every five minutes to see if there’s any way you missed the text alert on your cell that’s sitting in plain sight right in front of your face. Twenty minutes go by, thirty minutes go by… You check again to see if the iMessage reads “Delivered.” (It does.) An hour passes and finally, your screen lights up and the heavens open and angels sing and you see a text from the boy awaiting your curious eyes.
Instead of answering his text when you read it, like any sane, normal person would do, you put the phone aside and wait. He made you wait for one hour and thirteen minutes, and if you answer right away, you’ll come across as needy, obviously. He’ll think you’re obsessed with him. He’ll also think that you have no life because you answered his text a minute after he sent it. He’ll think that all you do is sit around all day waiting to receive a text to respond to and that actually your enrollment in Boston College is a cover; really you’re a texting fiend. And a stalker.
You flirt with his roommates.
Now really, this makes no sense at all. You like boy A. You know you like boy A. Everyone knows you like boy A. Yet, you decide to flirt with roommates B, C, D, E, and yes, even F. Normally this flirting happens when boy A is around, and roommates B-F generally flirt back. Are you trying to make him jealous? You don’t know. Are you making him jealous? You don’t care. Is this a successful plan of attack to secure his affection? Well if it is, then he’s just as crazy as you are. The flirting with the roommates/best friend is a mystery: an inexplicable phenomenon that we’ve all been guilty of at some point.
You purposefully avoid him.
If you like this boy, you should probably want to see him as much as possible, am I right? But when you walk by him for the third time today in Fulton (damn the close quarters of CSOM), you decide to make an impromptu detour to the bathroom without even checking first to make sure the door reads ‘Women.’ Sheesh that was a close one, you think to yourself while checking your hair in the mirror. Or wait, was it? Why did you hide again? Are you worried he thinks you’re obsessed with him like in the phone scenario? That you’ve upgraded your texting passion to full on stalking? Maybe you are having a really bad hair day and no amount of fluffing it in the mirror is going to change that. Whatever the reason, you avoid him if you can. Even more so, you avoid making awkward eye contact when you’re stalking him from afar (upstairs of Lower, anyone?).
You go out of your way to see him.
Yes, this does contradict the point made previously but it does not make it any less true. Putting extra effort into our outfits when we know we’re going to see him, going to the Plex when we think he’ll be there, changing our route to class so we can increase the chance of “running into” the boy whose scheduled we may have memorized… Besides being a little awkward, these things are also a little insane. As Sigmund Freud once said, “One is very crazy when in love.”
Other crazy/awkward things we do when we like a boy: be super sassy, relate to everything he says when we really have no idea what he’s talking about, playfully slap/hit him, wear push up bras, look for him on the megatron then pretend that you “found” him in the crowd at a sporting event, snapchat awkward pictures 24/7, talk really loud when you think he is listening so he knows how hilarious and adorable you are, try to appear very cool and nonchalant like his presence means nothing to you. Just to name a few.
Why do we do these psychotic things? I honestly can’t tell you. Acting as though you like him and (gasp) even telling him you like him would probably be more effective. Oh, and boys? Sorry we’re not sorry we’re so confusing.