Why hello, gentlemen. Sure, I’d like a drink. I came out to have a good time and let loose. But, as someone who has been in a committed relationship for 6 years, don’t expect much. I’ll ask you what you’re studying, maybe a little bit about where you’re from. Regardless of our conversation I will be climbing into my twin xl all by myself, thank you.
I’ve avoided social events over the past few years. I have actually been too tired, too busy, and/or just not interested in drinking jungle juice and stumbling down Broadway in 5-inch pumps. But, as a senior, I, like everyone else, want to enjoy this year with my friends and classmates. After a few trips to rooftop bars and campus dives, I’ve noticed a few flirting faux-pas. They all mean well. They try to be charming, intelligent, and confident in their approach. And, yet, some men take the most common flirting tips too far. So take a moment, gentlemen, and reevaluate your strategy.
1) Confidence is (the) key
Yes. Be confident. You should be able to approach a woman and carry on a conversation. But, rather than thinking about confidence as being key to your dating success, consider it the key. Confidence will get your foot in the door and get the two of you talking. Remember that having confidence and being outgoing are two completely separate characteristics. You can still be humble and even a little shy. Be confident in yourself, rather than try to prove your alpha-male status.
IRL example: I know you’re excited that you’re getting results at the gym. But I didn’t ask you to lift up your shirt to see your abs and your kid’s name tattooed across your pecs. So please don’t.
2) Respect the bubble
“A slight touch on the arm or shoulder shows interest.” We’ve all heard it. But, please, don’t touch her until she has met you, knows your name, and the two of you are in the midst of conversation. Otherwise, no touching! If it’s your first move, you’re likely going to make her feel immediately uncomfortable and it’ll be all downhill from there.
IRL example: Teaching a woman to dance = sexy. Surprise attempted swing dancing with a stranger who, may I note, does not know how to swing dance = nooooo.
3) Topics of conversation
Asking the standard questions is a safe bet. But creativity and spontaneity are always appreciated. We’re in New York. Bring up your favorite places to go. Like live music? Been to a cool bar down in the Lower East Village? Know the place to get the best BBQ on this side of Cathedral Parkway? Tell her about it! Keeps the conversation off of school work, expresses your interests, may spark some of hers, and, if things turn out well, you’ve already got some date ideas in your back pocket.
IRL example: “Yeah. I’ve also heard really cool things about Sleep No More.” vs. “I can see you being a really valuable member of our fellowship. Wanna come to church with me in 6 hours?”
4) Choose your wingman wisely
Although most women may rather you be the one to approach them, having a wingman won’t dock you too many points. Just be aware that your strategy will be very obvious. If you do decide to bring a friend out with you, for that purpose, make sure that he keeps a good head on his shoulders the entire night. If he has a few too many and is thrown off of his game, he may say or do something that will not bode well for you.
IRL example: Wingmen, do not insult women thinking that it will make your friend look like an angel compared to you. Your dickish behavior isn’t doing anyone any good.
The list of pick-up horrors goes on and on. But, to sum it all up, be natural! And I know that’s so much easier said than done. But, if you’re trying to act natural, you’ll be doing just that: acting. Be interesting by being yourself and take all flirting tips (even these) with a grain of salt. Here’s lookin’ at you kid.
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