This night has been fantastic so far. You and your friends spent three hours ill-advisedly drinking wine while applying eyeliner and trying on everything you own before inevitably deciding on that shirt that can almost pass as a dress. You’re at the bars, and you spot that super annoying guy who’s so totally obsessed with you walking your way. He tries to strike up a conversation, even offering to buy you a drink (ugh, why is he so annoying?). So you finally escape from him and are back safely seated at the table where you and your friends have created an impenetrable whisper-and-giggle circle, when you see it. Super annoying guy who’s so totally obsessed with you has approached another girl. You start seeing everything in slow motion, and a series of reactions start to run through your mind:1. “Oh. Maybe she had fallen and needed help standing up.”2. “Huh. She seems to be all right, and they’re still talking.”3. “Whoa there, missy, you seem to be getting a little handsy. I know you brushed your fingers against his when he handed you that drink on purpose.”4. “Wait. He bought you a drink?! That’s MY drink. Who do you think you are?”5. “I can’t believe he’s doing that right in front of me, is he trying to make me jealous?”6. “Maybe if I stare in their direction like I want to murder both of their families, he’ll come back over here.”7. “Or she’ll fear for her life and go away.”
Then super annoying guy who’s so totally obsessed with you and handsy girl walk in opposite directions. Your breathing returns to normal. You don’t know what came over you! You don’t like him! Then super annoying guy who’s so totally obsessed with you and handsy girl appear in your line of vision again – with their coats. Headed for the door. This can’t be happening. You feel like calling back to him “Super annoying guy who’s so totally obsessed with me, come back!! Love me! LOVE ME.”