Dating as a twenty-something is hard. People who meet in college and choose to date have to conquer jealousy, balancing school, friends and relationships; and countless other trials in order to stay with the person they are dating. One of those trials has to be the long breaks between semesters.
If the two of you live in different towns, going home for the winter break can be painful for the relationship, especially if you just started dating. Choosing to do long distance can be tough, and actually doing it is even tougher. Many relationships end because of the lack of communication experienced when the person you care about is miles away from you, and getting through that hump is vital for being in a successful and healthy relationship in college.
Having advice from real people who have experienced the same thing is invaluable, and may help save your relationship. Here is some advice from real-life Auburn women who have conquered the long distance with their beaus, and have wonderful thriving relationships, just like you can.
Lindy & Zach have been together for 4 years, and were long distance on and off for a year and a half. Lindy and Zach are both seniors at Auburn this year, but during their sophomore year at Auburn, Zach was completing a co-op experience in Greensboro, North Carolina, which is over 7 hours away from Auburn. (Lindy is also our very own Her Campus editor.)
How did you guys meet?
We met downtown in our hometown, Florence, Alabama. I was with one of my best friends, who he happened to have a crush on. She and I were in the car, and she saw him walking on the sidewalk. She asked him where he was going, and we met him there. I wasn’t sure how I had never even seen the guy before since we went to the same high school, but he was a super nice guy, and I told my friend to give me his number.
What is your favorite thing about your SO?
He will help me do anything! I had a chemistry final on a Friday morning, and starting the night before, he relearned the material and let me sleep until he could teach me how to do a problem. So he woke me up every ten minutes or so, and we did that until 3 hours before my exam!
What’s a fun story about your relationship?
We are obsessed with our dog, Emmy. It’s almost embarrassing how much we treat her like a real child.
What do you do to make the distance more manageable?
There are two things that helped: One was constant communication. We tried to call each other every night. Sometimes we didn’t do that, just because it could be inconvenient. On those nights we would text just to see how each other’s day went. Two: I always marked my calendar to see him before the semester started. It kind of held me accountable. I would have time to plan my crazy school and work schedule around that weekend. Also, since I did that, when we did get to see each other, I wouldn’t be worrying about due dates!
How do you balance your relationship with other life things?
Sound kind of crazy, because long distance was the hardest thing we have been through. It takes extra work. But besides making plans to see him and talking almost every day, I just didn’t worry about it, because I got to hang out with my friends and get closer to them. And if you have been in a relationship for a long time, you know keeping up with your friends can be difficult. So enjoy the time you have with others (family and friends), and the time will fly over the holidays!
What’s your advice for being in a long distance relationship for the first time?
Don’t give up and never let the little fights keep you from remembering why you love someone.
What’s the worst part about being in a long distance relationship? What’s the best part?
The worst part is all of the extra fighting. You fight are silly things, just because you get frustrated with the distance.
The best part is when you see your SO for the first time in a month. It’s so weird and exciting!
Sarah & Jarrett have been dating for 3 years, and have been going long distance for two of those years. Sarah is a 20-year-old junior at Auburn, and Jarrett is a 19-year-old sophomore at Calhoun Community College in Huntsville, Alabama, which is about 4 hours away from Auburn.
How did you guys meet?
Jarrett and I have known each other since middle school. We both played trumpet in the band, which is how we became aware of each other, then friends, then more than friends. There was no “Our eyes met across the room, strangers one minutes, lovers the next.” Jarrett has been a constant presence in my life ever since I can remember.
What is your favorite thing about your SO?
Besides his dashing good looks, Jarrett’s sense of humor always makes me laugh. Not him telling jokes per say, but how he responds to humor. Sometimes, he’ll laugh for a long time about something that was really dumb, but I’ll make a GREAT joke and I won’t even get a pity chuckle.
What’s a fun story about your relationship?
Jarrett was a huge goofball in high school. The semester before we started dating, when I was a junior and he was a sophomore, we would sit in band everyday, and there were probably five or six people between us, but he would lean forward, get my attention, and comically say “I love you.” I would just nod and take it as Jarrett being a class clown like always. A few months later when we were saying “I love you” seriously, it was kind of an interesting situation to look back on. (And he always gets to argue that he said “I love you” first, but I don’t think it counts if we weren’t technically dating yet.) Editor’s note: Nope, that definitely counts!
What do you do to make the distance more manageable?
Jarrett and I both have extremely hectic schedules, so it is pretty unrealistic for us to be constantly talking during the day. Instead, we always try to make a nightly habit of talking on the phone before we fall asleep. It’s a really good way of putting aside all the stress we might be feeling in order to end the day focused on each other. Although, most of the time I fall asleep while he’s talking.
How do you balance your relationship with other life things?
To be completely honest, we’ve been in a long distance relationship for longer than we were near each other, so it isn’t a juggle so much anymore. It’s gotten to be normal that student life and relationship life are completely unrelated to the point where it’s less of a balancing act. It’s actually a great opportunity to develop our professional lives apart from our relationship.
What’s your advice for being in a long distance relationship for the first time?
If you’re considering or have decided to go into a long distance relationship, you’ve already figured that this person is worth the hard work. My advice is to dive into your relationship head first and give it all you’ve got. Make spontaneous trips to see each other, make skype lunch dates, make letters to mail to each other, and be that obnoxious lovey-dovey couple. Long distance relationships are hard, but you don’t have to be unhappy when you’re apart.
If you’ll be in a long distance relationship over Christmas break, just take it one day at a time. One day leads to the next and before you know it, you’ll have a stronger relationship to start a new semester.
What’s the worst part about being in a long distance relationship? What’s the best part?
I think the hardest part of being in a LDR is when we have those days where neither of us are in sync with each other. I’ll miss one of Jarrett’s calls, and then he’ll miss me returning his call. Or more likely, I’ve just spent 10 hours in the library and when I get home it’s 2 a.m. and he’s already asleep. But the best part is summer breaks, Thanksgiving, and especially Christmas. Those times are already so special, but when you add in that I get to see Jarrett everyday and spend the happiest time of year together, it’s unbeatable. It makes nothing else matter. It makes those long months worth it.
Erin & Josh have been together for 3 and a half years, and have been long distance for 2 of those years. Erin, a 20-year-old junior at Auburn, is 300 miles and 5 hours away from Josh, a 21- year-old senior at Lipscomb University in Nashville, Tennessee.
How did you guys meet?
Josh and I went to the same high school, and we met as freshmen. We were both in the band and hung out with the same group of people. We went to many movie nights, football games, and even a band trip to Disney World and New York City together, but just as friends. Josh asked me to prom our junior year, and I said yes (mostly just to end the frantic search for a date). So, we went to prom and had a great time. Soon after Josh started pursuing me. He started writing me a letter every day, and I mean EVERY DAY. After the 20th letter or so we started officially dating and the letters just never stopped. He wrote me 365 letters, and I still have every single one to this day.
What is your favorite thing about your SO?
My favorite thing about Josh is everything really. Lately though, I have been noticing that he is definitely my rock. When the stress of college and just life in general washes over me, he helps keep my head above water. He never wavers. I am so confident in the fact that he loves me and wants the best for me. I know that his faithfulness will never falter and that is really something special. Josh said to me one time before one of our many goodbyes, “I survive when I’m at college, but when I’m with you, I thrive.”
What’s a fun story about your relationship?
One time, Josh planned this big romantic date for Valentine’s Day at a really nice restaurant. Once we got there in our fancy date night clothes, we realized there was over an hour wait. Being college students, we are pretty much always starving so we decided to try a different restaurant. That one turned out to be even more crowded than the last. So, we ended up with take out pizza and a hot dozen from Krispy Kreme and had an extremely unhealthy date night on the couch, watching our favorite show. We also release sky lanterns on our anniversary every year, and we’ve only managed to almost catch the neighbor’s trees on fire a couple of times.
What do you do to make the distance more manageable?
Before each semester, we sit down together with our school calendars and plan what weekends we can come home to see each other. We try to see each other at least every 3 weeks or so. Having planned out when we will see each other next really helps to make the distance seems more manageable. We also find two or three Netflix or TV shows that we both really like and watch them together. That gives us some mutual TV references/inside jokes, even though we are so far away from each other for most of the time.
How do you balance your relationship with other life things?
Surprisingly, we don’t call each other every day and we don’t text 24/7. We quickly realized that talking every second of every day is just not feasible with both of our busy college schedules and that’s okay. I know that I don’t have to send Josh a heart emoji every five minutes for him to know that I love him. I know that if Josh doesn’t call me every night, he still cares about me. But I definitely know that if I am ever having a bad day or can’t figure out how to set up my TV stand, he will drop everything to make sure I’m okay and that I don’t poke my eye out with a screw driver. I know that Josh will always be there for me and I don’t need to be in constant communication with him to prove that.
What’s your advice for being in a long distance relationship for the first time?
It’s hard, very hard. Trust is definitely key. Not spending every waking moment with your SO is going to bring up some jealousy issues because you know that someone else (hopefully just a friend) is going to be spending that time with him/her. Be confident in what you have with your SO. Also, just realize texting is probably the worse form of communication. Emotions are so hard to portray across texts. Write letters, make phone calls, and have Skype dates.
What’s the worst part about being in a long distance relationship? What’s the best part?
The worst part about being in a long distance relationship is being so far away from your best friend. There are so many moments, big and small, that I wish we could share together, but distance makes that almost impossible. The time lost together is by far the worst part.
The best part about being in a LDR in college is having the opportunity to become your own person. You have to make your own friends and grow into the person that you want to be, not the person that your boyfriend/girlfriend wants you to be. It makes you realize that you want another person in your life not to complete you, but to compliment you.