Recently I had a falling-out with a good friend. By ‘good friend’ I mean a weird relationship where I’ve known him long enough that it would be odd not to call him a friend, but there’s still a hesitation since there always seems to be a reason to write him off as just another person. Don’t get me wrong, I enjoy his company (usually) and we get along (most of the time), but there’s one consistent problem –We fight like two bridezillas that want the same pair of shoes. A large majority of the time, these fights are over small things: the meaning of a word, the quality of a movie or the best route to drive on a road trip. Our arrogance slowly eroded away the healthy parts of our relationship, but we remained close regardless.
Note: I said our arrogance. I’m not blameless, and I don’t pretend to be. I fought just as hard, if not harder, and still contributed to our unhealthy relationship just as much as he did.
So what’s the difference? What caused the shift from us both being confident in our answers to having full-blown word brawl?
Self-confidence morphs into arrogance when humility is left on the shelf. To me, it’s one of the most unattractive features a person can have. It turns everything into a fight or competition because you always have to win; you always have to come out on top. When you’re not able to admit that you may be wrong, mistaken, or maybe both of you are right about something, you turn into a person no one likes being around. It’s a quality that shows through in your tone of voice, the way you carry yourself and basically every other aspect of your life.
To put it in his words, we always had to “disagree more than each other.” It was a competition of finding something we could both be right about, but seeing who could one-up the other. Honestly, it was pitiful.
It’s good to be self-confident, but it’s important to realize when something goes amiss and becomes more serious than an issue of confidence. If you find that your need to be right or your reassurance that you’re always right impacts your communication with others, it may be time for a self-evaluation. There’s no shame in being wrong. people say to learn from your mistakes for a reason. A favorite strategy I use to combat my arrogance is to “agree to disagree” and just walk away from a heated situation. Being right isn’t worth losing friends.