I took my fiancé, James, to see 50 Shades Darker on opening day. A lot of you probably opened this article thinking it was going to be some hot, steamy, story about how it made us feel. Sorry to disappoint. This is actually an article filled with smartass comments and sass. James is not exactly a prude, but he wasn’t looking forward to this adventure. Here’s the story of a man forced into watching 50 Shades Darker.
*Warning: Spoliers*
With in the first five minutes of the start: “I don’t like either one of them AT ALL. Why are these so popular? Why do people like them? I don’t get it? She literally complains every time she opens her mouth. Why is he so cocky? It’s not warranted.”
When Christian met Jack Hyde (#CREEPER) and said, “He wants what’s mine.” James: “Well he apparently does so that’s the only relatable thing he’s said this whole time. Also that Jack guy is kinda creepy…you think he knows she complains 24/7?”
During the masquerade ball: “Why does she keep wearing dresses like that? Those aren’t flattering to her body type at all. What’s the cut of dress you like? Sweetheart? Yea that, that would fit her better.”
When Leila had the gun just flailing around: “If they all get shot, does that mean the movie is over and we can go home?”
Anna: “Christian I think you’re dreaming”
James: “B*** I wish I was.”
When Christian’s chopper goes down because of mysterious and totally random causes: “Oh bless this has to be the end now…annnnd it’s not…great. So it just caught on fire like that? Ok, whatever.”
Every sex scene in the entire movie: “Ok, but why does this girl never wear a bra? Wouldn’t that be uncomfortable? Also, she never wears underwear? It’s got kind of a rapey vibe…not a fan.”
On Taylor, the driver: “Everyone needs a bro like Taylor. He’s just down for whatever, man.”
When Mrs. Grey bitch slaps Elena for messing with her baby cub: “Yas Mrs. Grey you better do it. Best scene yet, tbh.”
And finally the ending: “Wtf? Why is Jack back? I mean, damn they had to throw a rape plot in there for no reason, so why is this guy back? Can’t we all agree we hate him and leave him out? I mean, she was surprised when he got fired for it (#Woke James) and she got his job so can’t that be the end? He pisses me off.”
These comments aren’t even half of what he actually said, but they sum up the experience pretty well. The lesson here is: don’t take your boyfriend, fiancé, or SO, to see 50 Shades Darker and expect them to not make fun of it because, lets be honest, we all kind of already do anyways. Bless the ones that go with us anyway.
Source: http://giphy.com