I don’t think I’ll ever be able to stress enough how difficult the first semester of college is. Seriously, it is SO hard. And one thing that can make or break your freshmen year is being in a long-distance relationship. Yes, having someone to support you and love you as you try to navigate college can be really helpful. But on the other hand, it can also add stress, isolate you from your new friends, and make you extra homesick.
For the majority of my freshman year, I was in an LDR with my boyfriend from high school. And first semester, it was an absolute blessing to have that relationship while adjusting to college. Our relationship continued to blossom and grow as we did. But when we returned to school after spending winter break together, something just felt different. The best way I can describe it is that it just didn’t feel like there was room in my life for a relationship, especially a long-distance one.
After a heart-shattering breakup, lots of cookies, and months of reflection, I’ve finally come to terms with the end of our relationship and what it meant for me. And even though a long-distance relationship wasn’t right for me, it doesn’t mean it can’t work for other couples. Here are some of the biggest lessons I learned from my LDR and how to strengthen your relationship despite the miles.
The little things are so important
When you’re in an LDR, you no longer have daily interactions with your partner. This means you’re no longer bringing them a coffee, singing in the car, or hanging out at your usual spots. To make up for this, think of small gestures to make your partner think of you. It can be something as small as sending them a postcard or ordering them their favorite flowers. It will make your partners day that you thought of them, and these small surprises can keep the spark alive despite the distance.
Don’t put too much pressure on yourself or your significant other during visits
I was fortunate that my boyfriend lived on the East Coast and we were able to visit each other every month. Even though we were able to see each other relatively frequently for an LDR, I still felt so much pressure during our visits. I didn’t want to waste anytime, wanted to plan tons of fun things, and make sure we had mind-blowing sex. It’s unrealistic to want a perfect weekend, so instead just focus on enjoying each other’s company.
Let your life blossom outside of your relationship
Relationships are a wonderful, beautiful thing. But your life is so much more than whom you’re in love with, especially when you’re new to campus. Make sure that you’re meeting people on your floor, joining clubs, and exploring the city. It’s sad to think about, but if your relationship does end, you want to make sure you have other parts of your life to focus on. And assuming that your relationship does survive the four years of undergrad (kudos to you), you can’t spend those four years holed up in your room on Skype with your partner. Branch out from the comfort of a relationship!
Be aware of emotional cheating
For the record, it’s natural and okay to have crushes when you’re in a relationship. Just because you are committed to someone doesn’t mean you automatically stop connecting with people. That being said, emotional cheating is absolutely a thing. Physical intimacy isn’t the only way you can cheat on your partner. If you find yourself ignoring Skype sessions to hang out with your cute classmate or confiding in them things you would normally only tell your partner, you may want to evaluate their role in your life and your feelings for them.
Be fully transparent
Honesty isn’t just the best policy for healthy LDRs, it’s the only policy. If you feel like your partner hasn’t been communicating with you, tell them. If you’ve been having doubts about the relationship, be upfront about it. The biggest problem with LDRs is that there’s no way to really pick up on your partner’s body language or to read the vibes they’re sending off. Keeping secrets or thoughts to yourself will only upset both you and your partner when the truth eventually comes out, which it will.
At the end of the day, only you can know what is right for you, your partner, and your relationship. As long as you are both happy, have close friendships outside of your relationships, and stay true to yourselves, do whatever is best for you and enjoy your relationship!