March 2nd, 2007: A day I’ll never forget for the rest of my life. It was the day I relaxed my hair for the first time. I was a few months shy of my 13th birthday when I begged my parents to perm my hair. My mom was skeptical about it at first but decided to let me do it to see if I could handle the maintenance. I wanted my hair to be like the other young black girls and what I’d see in the magazines. Just For Me, Motions, and Dudley Q’s were some of the names of relaxer products that I’d see growing up. At first, I used to be confused about the entire process. I often wondered how long it would take, but admired the silky smooth end result.
When I first permed my hair, I was so excited to do so. It was also the first time any kind of straightener was in my hair. Before that point, my hair had never felt the heat of a hot comb or ever experienced a wash and blowout (washing the hair then blow-drying it straight immediately afterward). So the entire process was new to me, but I didn’t care, I finally had the straight hair I had always wanted, and it was all mine even if it was chemically altered. That is of course until my dad saw my hair for the first time since it was relaxed.
He was so angry, he never liked the idea of chemically altering hair. He told me that he didn’t want me to perm my hair (the term for chemically straightening African-American hair is called a permanent relaxer — the slang term is a perm). Of course, being a teenager, I didn’t listen and kept perming my hair. Looking back on that, my dad was right about not perming my hair. One of the reasons why I permed my hair in the first place was the fact that I was tired of wearing braids all the time. My mom didn’t know how to braid or do anything else with my hair, so she would always take me to get it braided. I was never allowed to wear my hair in an afro or in a puff growing up because my grandmother saw that as “un-kept hair”. I wasn’t until after high school when I noticed more and more of my friends going natural.
At first, I thought going natural wasn’t for me — the commitment to maintaining my natural hair sounded like more than I could handle. Or so I thought until my best friend put my hair in Bantu knots. By that point, it was 2013 and I hadn’t permed in over six months. I was just getting my hair washed and blow dried at the salon. From the day I got the Bantu knots, I never wanted to perm my hair again.
For the next year, I wore protective styles (braids/weaves/etc.) and trimmed my hair as I went along. By the time 2015 rolled around, my hair was 100% chemical free. Now it was just a matter of learning my hair texture. It was a bit difficult as I still had damage from using a flat iron to straighten my hair, but I minimized the amount of heat I’d put on my hair. That was also around the time of when I began to get comfortable with my hair enough to wear it as an afro. The more I embraced my natural hair, the easier it was to manage. I found products that worked for my hair type (3C/4A), and learned to work with it.
Fast forward two years, and I now have a tapered natural cut, and to be honest, it’s probably the most low-maintenance style I’ve ever had. All I need to do is wash and go and call it a day — unless I want to do a twist out. It’s easier on my hair and requires no heat whatsoever. In fact, I haven’t used heat on my hair in almost a year! Overall, I just had to learn how to be comfortable with my own hair. I just wished that I knew about this when I was younger, then I would’ve never permed my hair in the first place. It’s all about being comfortable with yourself — once you’re able to do that, you’ll realize that you are not your hair and that you don’t have to fit society’s standards.