It has been two months and four days since my world came tumbling down. Imagine being told that the two people you love the most no longer love each other. There are so many children of divorce in this world, but that does not make it any easier for anyone new to the experience.
Age does not make a difference either. As a college student, I am old enough and have enough sense to know the divorce is not my fault. That doesn’t mean the thought doesn’t cross my mind from time to time. Maybe if I hadn’t said this or if I hadn’t asked for that, things wouldn’t have changed.
Too many thoughts cross my mind anymore to really make sense of them. What will anything really be like anymore? Everything will be so different.
How do I handle holidays? Who do I spend time with and when? Where do I go when I come home for summer? Do I have to invite you separately to come see me? Will one of you get offended if I tell the other something important first? There’s just too many questions that I don’t know the answers to.
There’s also just so many regrets. If I would’ve known this past Christmas was our last one together, I wouldn’t have napped part of the day. If I would’ve known this New Year’s Eve was our last one as a family, I wouldn’t have gone with my boyfriend. If I knew this summer was our last one together in the same house, I would have spent more time at home. If I would’ve known last semester was the last you’d spend together, I would have come home more weekends.
Maybe being at school is supposed to make this easier. I get to be an hour away from decisions, an hour away from the reality of it, an hour away from the pain. But I still feel it, and I still randomly cry with no real explanation other than I’m simply sad. It still hurts.
To those of you who have parents happily married, a family that is still a family, enjoy it. Do not waste a single second of time together. Appreciate all the love in your home because one day it might all suddenly leave you cold, afraid, and sad.
Sincerely,
The Teenager of Divorce