I almost didn’t believe my friend when she told me this story. It sounded like it came straight out of a movie. After weeks of laughing and crying it out with her, she wanted to share her story and I received her complete permission to publish it. For the purpose of dramatic effect, I will tell the story from her point of view. Out of respect for the privacy of other people, certain events have been changed or omitted.
I met this guy a few weeks ago in Atlantic Station. He got my number after I left for an interview at the California Pizza Kitchen.
(Photo by Alex Holyoake on Unsplash)
We texted each other for about two weeks before we were able to see each other again. I told him from the beginning that I wasn’t looking for a “situationship.” I wanted to date him in the pursuit of making him a possible boyfriend. He had “a lot of things going on” and he was very clear that he might not be emotionally ready for a relationship. But he still wanted to get to know me and work on himself at the same time. I was disappointed, but still, I let the “situationship” continue. But even while I was texting him, I was so impressed. He always had the nicest things to say about me. Called me beautiful every day. And we had so much in common. You know those conspiracy theories I’m always telling you about? He believed in some of the same ones. He even got me interested in some other ones. It was nice. It had been a long time since I had been this interested in someone and shared mutual interests with them, as well.
We went to a movie for our first date. And yes, he called it a date. He worked a lot, like me, so he asked beforehand if we could go back to my dorm so that he could take a nap after the movie since he didn’t get a lot of sleep the night before and he still had to go to work after our date. Of course, I said yes. We went back to my dorm, and we were actually laying down at first. We eventually made out. And it was great.
A few more weeks went by. By this time, I’d smoked my first few blunts with him, and I had even been there for him one night after he had received some devastating news. I told him that I wanted him to spend the night with me one weekend. He came over.
We smoked a blunt before coming back to my dorm. We lied down and “watched Netflix” for a while. Then we started kissing. (I omitted the other parts of this story. I think you get it that they had sex. Also, it was her first time). It was so uncomfortable, but at the same time, I didn’t mind. A few minutes after [penetration], he noticed that I was bleeding. I was so embarrassed. But instead of running away in disgust, he went to the bathroom and got a wet towel and helped me clean up. I was shocked that a guy would do that. Oh yeah, did I mention that we didn’t use a condom?
(That’s where I freaked out).
(Photo by Becca Tapert on Unsplash)
He couldn’t end up spending the night with me like we had planned. But I knew he felt bad about it. “I just don’t want to be that guy,” he said. He was constantly asking me if I was okay, and if there was anything he could do for me before he left. I told him that I understood and that it was okay for him to leave.
We had a whole conversation about it the day after. He just made me feel so comfortable and confident afterward. That’s when I really started falling for him.
A few more weeks pass. He was still dealing with some of the bad news, so when he didn’t text me all day one day, I didn’t become too concerned. I didn’t mind giving him his space. However, I had been a bit concerned for a few days since my period was taking forever to come. To try and get my mind off of things, I scrolled through some tweets and I saw someone on my timeline congratulate him. I tapped on the tweet and tried to see what the reply was referring to. When I thought the tweet was taking too long to load, I just tapped his twitter handle to see it that way. To my humble surprise, this [really bad word here] blocked me.
So, of course, I needed to see what was up. I asked my friend for her phone, looked up his profile, and to my surprise, I saw an X-ray of a baby. He was having a baby girl.
I couldn’t breathe.
I didn’t know what to do. I knew he was going through a lot, so maybe he didn’t know how to tell me. Or maybe he was just dropping me completely. I texted him. “Hey, everything okay?” He told me he was fine, starting a new job and all, so we couldn’t hang out like we had planned. I told him that I knew. He said, “I didn’t know how to tell you.” I couldn’t even talk to him. And seeing this definitely made me more stressed since my period was, at this point, four days late. I felt sick to my stomach.
After I was somewhat more cooled down, I texted him about my predicament. (I omitted this part as well. Basically, they got into an argument where he was denying that she was actually really pregnant, and they both cut ties afterward). I was so pissed. I was so scared. I literally couldn’t believe this was happening.
It was getting to be almost a whole week until my period still hadn’t come. I went ahead and ordered a pregnancy test from Amazon. In my head, I was mentally preparing myself for the worst. My parents are going to kill me. How am I going to finish school? What if I just get an abortion? Of course, my first time would be the time where I got knocked up. I couldn’t focus on anything for too long. I felt my myself falling into a slight depression.
(Photo by Alex Boyd on Unsplash)
The pregnancy test came. I had been having some stomach pains the same morning. I went to the bathroom to determine my fate, and I fell to the floor when I saw spotting in my underwear. I literally broke down and cried. I still took the test after I got myself together. It was negative. Again, I was relieved.
I gave him a lot of my firsts. And I now I finally realize that when someone tells you they aren’t ready, believe them. It was my decision to continue it, but I felt so lonely and all I wanted to do was give my heart to someone. He wasn’t ready for that. But now I know that no one needs your heart more than yourself.
As any friend would, I consoled her when she needed the support, especially during the first couple of days. I also encouraged her to get tested for STD’s, STI’s, and HIV. As she admitted she made a poor choice when deciding to participate in intercourse without protection. We are going together next week.
In a helpful lesson for readers, I just wanted to put emphasis on the importance of self-love. As lonely as you may feel, you cannot abandon your own well-being. Even during this time of the year where it seems like you need to compensate for what everyone else needs (papers to write for your professors, start your Christmas shopping for family members, etc.), don’t forget that you are just as important. And if you feel alone, talk to someone who you know will listen. I guarantee you will find someone.