The Dump-O-Meter: The Worst Ways to Get Dumped, From Bad to Worse

Getting dumped is the absolute pits.  We’ve all been kicked to ye olde curb at least once in our lives (thanks a heap, Doug*, you crushed my fifth grade spirit), and it is never a picnic.  It is really the nature of the dumping, however, that determines the moroseness of the dumpee.  I believe the calculus is something like [(douchebag + new girlfriend) – thoughtfulness] x (# of times “it’s not you” mentioned) = # of pints Ben and Jerry’s consumed; but hey, math was never my strong suit.  If you’d like to think about it more linearly, here’s my list of ways to be dumped, from bad, to worse . . . to worst.

*name changed to protect the not-so-innocent


Allie Jones is an English and American Studies double major at the College of William and Mary.  She's interned at W magazine and is currently the Senior News Editor at The Virginia Informer.  When she’s not chatting up colonial impersonators in Williamsburg, Allie drinks too much black coffee and thinks about going to the gym. She enjoys singing for her friends and planning parties for her chapter of Kappa Kappa Gamma. Allie looks up to Liz Lemon, Carrie Bradshaw and Jon Stewart; 2 ½ of which, she realizes, are fictional characters. 

You can find out more about the high-brow television programs she watches over at her Twitter, @allierileyjones.

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