Starting to have feelings for someone or being in a new relationship can be exciting and nerve-racking at the same time. Receiving a text from that person or seeing their smile can make your whole day, and that’s a great feeling! But what happens when you aren’t sure if they’re as into it as you are? We’ve talked to Carole Lieberman, M.D., Beverly Hills psychiatrist, to determine some telltale signs you like someone more than they like you. Although it can be upsetting, it’s better to know sooner than later.
1. They don’t text you back
Something as small as an unanswered text message may not hold that much importance to you, but it can definitely be a sign that they’re not feeling it. If they don’t care about you enough to answer your text messages, is that someone you really want to be with?
“If they aren’t answering your texts, it’s a dead giveaway that they’re trying to send you a hint,” says Dr. Lieberman. “They’re hoping you’ll get the invisible text that they’d send if they had the courage: ‘I’m not in2 u.’” Sure, some people aren’t into texting, but if they liked you as much as you like them, they’d want to be in communication with you.
Chelsea Schroeder, a freshman at Bowling Green State University, says you can tell you like someone more than they like you “when you are always the one starting the conversation and texting the other first!” This shouldn’t be the case. Find someone that’s going to give you the time of day!
2. They don’t initiate plans to hang out
If you’re always the one to make plans for the two of you, you may want to take a step back and look at the situation. If they really liked you, they’d be asking to hang out whenever possible.
“If your crush doesn’t initiate plans to hang out, they may be afraid of rejection,” says Dr. Lieberman. “But, if you keep suggesting plans and they don’t take you up on any of them, then they obviously don’t really want to be with you.” Do you really think your crush is busy every time you ask them to hang out? Even if they agree to hang out some of the time, they should be initiating plans too!
Related: 5 Signs It’s Time to Let Go of Your Relationship
3. They seem bored or uninterested
If your love interest seems bored when you do hang out (like they’re always on their phone), that’s a pretty clear sign that they aren’t as into it as you are. Unsuccessfully trying to engage them in conversation or get them to do something isn’t fun, and you deserve better!
“If [the person you like] seems unusually bored or uninterested when you’re together, you can gently ask if something is bothering [them], or if [they aren’t] feeling well, and let [them] know that it’s okay for [them] to tell you,” Dr. Lieberman says. But, if it’s more than a one-time situation, like after they got a bad grade on a test, there’s likely a bigger problem.
“Ask yourself if you’ve taken the relationship for granted and stopped trying to look your best when you’re together, or stopped planning interesting things to do, and have gotten into a rut of just hanging out,” Dr. Lieberman says. “But, it could also be that he’s been wanting to break up with you and just waiting for the right moment, or that he’s just with you for the sex and doesn’t want to put any effort into making the relationship sparkle.” If they’re uninterested when you spend time together, it’s likely that your heart is more in it than theirs is.
4. They don’t put in the same effort
If the person you like isn’t putting in the same effort that you are, it’s likely that they don’t like you the same way. Why should you go out of your way to do things for them if they aren’t going to do the same?
“For me, I knew I liked this guy more than he liked me when I would go out of my way to do small things for him that I knew would make him happy. But, he would never do the same for me,” says Alexandra Whitehead, a senior at SUNY Buffalo State. “One time, he was really sick. So I bought him his favorite snack, some chicken noodle soup, and medicine. He was very thankful for this, but he never really did anything like that for me.” If the relationship is one-sided, it’s a clear sign that they aren’t as into it as you are.
5. You’re strategizing how to engage them
If you’re thinking about someone often and wondering how you can get them to connect with you, you’re wasting your time. If they were as interested as you, they’d be making the effort themselves.
“If you’re fantasizing about someone all the time, and strategizing how to get them to pay more attention and be more involved with you, while they’re making little or no effort to do the same, then these are telltale signs that you like them more than they like you,” Dr. Lieberman says. “The biggest mistake you can make is to up your efforts to try to persuade him to connect. The best thing to do—and what girls find hardest— is to create more distance instead of barraging him with texts, calls, gifts and ‘surprise’ encounters.’” If this distance makes him come to you, great! If not, it’s time to move on.
If you find yourself in one (or more) of these predicaments, it’s likely that this person isn’t for you. Rather than beating yourself up over it, it’s best to come to terms with the situation and move on. Try hanging out with your girl friends or blocking your crush’s posts from your social media accounts to speed up the process.
Spending all your time on someone who isn’t going to give you the same attention is no fun. Plus, being single isn’t the worst thing in the world!