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Real Live College Guy Pat: Why Don’t Guys Think Of Me As More Than A Booty Call?

Posted Nov 22 2012 - 7:00pm

If you looked up “hopeless romantic” in the dictionary, Real Live College Guy Pat would be standing there smiling and waving back to you. As a college guy himself, Pat has witty opinions on all the stupid situations guys seem to end up in. From relationships, to friends with benefits, to altogether lacks thereof, Real Live College Guy Pat has all your answers and more!

How do you get guys to text you before 10 pm? I get several calls/texts late every Friday and Saturday night from guys I know asking me “what I’m up to” which clearly has an ulterior motive. I rarely hear from these guys during the week. As fun as an occasional hook-up is, I’m looking for a legitimate relationship and I can’t see it happening when boys only call or text late at night. I definitely wouldn’t label myself as easy (I only hook up about once a month, if that) and I make a conscious effort to put my best foot forward and always keep it classy. Why are boys calling me only late at night? How can I get them to take me seriously and call or text me during the week during normal business hours? – Vexed at UVM

Vexed,

Fortunately it appears you’re on the right track here. You’re not obsessed with the hook-up culture, which many of your co-eds certainly are. When you do hook up, you presumably make someone work for it a bit instead of just giving yourself up no questions asked. You also care about your image and make a conscious effort to keep it classy. Congratulations, you’re ahead of the curve.

The problem here is that you are talking to these guys to begin with. If these guys are only texting you late at night and on weekends, they obviously aren’t looking for the same things (i.e., a relationship) that you are. If you want to find the right guy, you need to present yourself as the type of girl the “right guy” wants to date. If you want to be in a relationship, you have to be seen as a relationship girl. This means that the aforementioned “right guy” who is looking for a relationship needs to be able to see you as someone he could potentially date. Think of it this way: if you want to be in a relationship, are you looking seriously at the crazy, drunken boy you saw at a party, or are you looking at the nice, sweet, well put-together boy in class? Sure, party boy may seem a bit more fun, but the nice boy is probably just as fun and will make you a priority. The same goes for what these guys think of you.

A word of advice for other collegiettes in the same position: If I (as a guy) want a relationship but the only time I ever see you is at parties, you don’t even cross my mind as someone I want to date. If the only pictures on your Facebook profile are of your drunken escapades, I’m not going to waste my time trying to change you, no matter how attractive you are. Instead, I’ll pursue the cute girl in my Bio lab who I have something in common with. It’s all about presentation. Think about it – if you don’t know a guy but he’s cute and you’re interested in going on a date with him, what do you do? You ask your friends about him, stalk his social media profiles and try to find out as much as you can. If all you found out is that he parties, gets drunk, hooks up with girls and never settles down or seems remotely serious, you’d be turned off. Believe it or not, guys judge girls the same way. It’s a two-way street, ladies.

Now Vexed, as far as what you can do, that's a bit more difficult. The guys who are texting you are only looking for a booty call, so it doesn't matter how classy you are, they’re going to text you anyway. You could simply ignore them, but a better solution may be to suggest hanging out at a time when they are sober or it’s not so late. That way, they know you have no intention of hooking up with them. More importantly, don’t waste your time waiting for them to come around or trying to change them– if he’s a “hook-up” guy, he’s a “hook-up” guy and he isn’t looking for a relationship no matter who walks through the door. Instead, find guys who think of you throughout the day, not just when they're drunk or want to hook up. I know this is easier said than done, though, because it’s not like there’s a "good guys club" you can go to where the non-jerks hang out. However, what you can do is try to meet guys who have similar interests to yours. For example – if you like reading, maybe you’ll find a boy at the library or local bookstore who is exactly what you’re looking for. Your chances of bookstore boy texting you before 10pm are higher than any random guy you might meet out on a Saturday night doing the same.

Finally, be confident and don’t lose hope. It’s easy to get frustrated or down on yourself when things aren’t going your way, especially in a college world where the hook-up culture is dominant. Instead of giving in, stick to your principles and standards like you’ve been doing and, in time, someone who has those same values will come along and sweep you off your feet.

 

Photo Credit:
Girl in bed on phone

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