Ever wonder what guys think, how to deal with them, or whether instead of listening to you they just imagine you naked? Our Real Live College Guy Joe will answer all your questions about men and relationships with wit, clarity, grace, and physical attractiveness (can you tell he wrote this intro himself?) all while imagining you fully clothed! Well, usually – he is a college guy.
What’s the best way to deal with an ex that still lives in the same building? What’s the best way to act that makes him regret his decision but allows me to leave the situation with dignity? – Dumped at Duke
The best thing for you to do is to show that you’ve moved on and no longer think of him, or that you still think of him, but only in a very murderous way.
The most satisfying way to show him you no longer crave his love or loins is to let him see you with as many guys as possible. This process is easy if you live in the same building. Have dates, bring guys back to your room—if only to hang out and have some really loud sex that your boyfriend can hear from down the hall. Even just pay some of your male friends to walk around the halls of your building with you. After any break up, there will be some lingering jealousy. So, the more guys he sees you around with, the more he will regret living in the same building as you and putting all those hidden cameras around the halls to keep track of you.
The same advice goes for people who see their ex-man toy around campus a lot, even if they don’t live in the same building, a more common scenario. Rule number one is always be seen with people. Rule number two is don’t let those people be the members of the cult you joined since your break-up. Plan for the fact that he might still be watching your every move and will probably see you around campus from where he’s hiding in the bushes. Surround yourself accordingly with well-sculpted men showering you with gifts and begging for but a whiff of your garter. You will make him insanely jealous and confused as to why you’re wearing a garter.
You can also make him jealous by strutting your own stuff. Walk through the halls in your bath towel—the one without the duckies—or in your undies. Act like you’re going to the bathroom, or you didn’t expect anyone to be out at that hour, or your horrendous break-up has forced you to sell your body for money to pay for the therapy sessions you need to cope with your internal trauma. As he gawks, don’t give him a second glance. Just act like you need to pick something up every five feet, and do it veryslowly. He will surely miss the goodies he used to have, assuming you haven’t eaten a tub of Ben and Jerry’s after every meal since the break-up, and, who knows, you might get a modeling deal out of it. Or, if you went the Ben and Jerry’s route, probably some heavy fines for indecent exposure.
Of course, walking around scantily clad won’t work if he doesn’t live in your building—you can’t just go walking around campus in your skivvies. If you can, please tell me what college you attend so I can transfer. What you can do is dress sexily to parties where he might show up. Short skirt, high heels, no shirt, diamond earrings and you should be good to go! Just make sure you don’t wear anything he got you, unless you plan to light it on fire. When you see him, say, “Hi” then turn and walk off as your friends hit you with fans and sensual lighting just like you rehearsed hundreds of times that afternoon. He will definitely regret his decision to break up with you, especially when he sees other guys hitting on you.
Be aware: if you are looking really mateable, he might try to strike up a conversation, whether it be at a party or in your dorm hall, and try to rekindle the flame. What happens then is up to you, but I suggest you tell him you have a hot date to get to, then “accidentally” be making out with the date in front of your ex’s front door when he gets home. Sorry, ex-boyfriend at Duke, whoever you are. It’s just, I’ll be in Carolina in a few weeks and am looking for a good time…