Her Story: I'm 21 And I Haven't Had My First Kiss

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I have a confession to make: I have yet to have my first kiss. I have also never had a boyfriend, nor been on a real date. (I did have dates for both of my proms, but they don’t technically count in my mind.) Yes, I am 21 years old and my life is completely devoid of any romantic experiences.

So, you may be wondering why my “lip virginity” has remained intact well past the age when many girls go through this awkward and thrilling rite of passage. Well, I certainly didn’t plan on it. I had my first crush in Catholic school at the age of ten on the boy who sat next to me in fourth grade. His dad owned a popular restaurant in our town, and he had a different pair of sneakers for every gym day. He was cute, sweet, and popular, but I was so shy and young I never actually made a move. Once eighth grade graduation rolled around, we parted ways.
My first few years of high school were pretty uneventful. I developed a crush on a guy in several of my classes. He was mysterious, smart, and looked a lot like Keanu Reeves. During my junior year of high school, I finally worked up the courage to ask him to prom. At first, he told me he wasn’t sure, so I gave him my phone number. He called later that night and told me prom just wasn’t his thing. At first, his rejection stung, but he was so sweet about it that I couldn’t really be mad at him.
However, I still didn’t have anyone to take to prom. Somehow, I worked up enough courage to ask a guy in my AP Government class. I’d only met him at the beginning of the year, but he was funny, good-looking, and had an awesome personality. Much to my surprise, this guy said yes. I was on cloud nine.
The night of junior prom was awesome. We danced together all night, hung out with friends, and went out for breakfast at one in the morning. As he walked me up to my front porch, I started thinking this was my chance. I leaned in, and…he gave me his cheek. It was a little disheartening, but I wasn’t too disappointed. I realized we were better off as friends, and next year I would have that whirlwind romantic prom experience that every girl dreamed of, topped off with a goodnight kiss at the end.
During my senior year, I discovered a glimmer of hope when a guy I had several classes with started flirting with me. We had known each other for almost three years, and he was good friends with Keanu Reeves guy. Even though I wasn’t as into him as he was to me, I tried to make myself have feelings for him. In hindsight, it seems pretty crazy, but time was running out on my high school years. I was desperate for something to happen.  
I decided to ask him to prom. He said yes to me in front of a bunch of my classmates, and I started fantasizing about my dream night, complete with a chaste kiss on my front porch. However, it all came crashing down when he told me via email that he really didn’t want to go to prom a week before the tickets went off-sale. I ended up taking my uncle’s nephew.
I would have to say this was probably the lowest point in my romantic life. While I did have fun at prom, I started questioning why guys didn’t want me in a sexual way. Was I too innocent? Was I not pretty enough? Was I just not good enough for any guy? It didn’t help that almost all my friends, even the younger ones, were all at least somewhat experienced. Sometimes, some of my girlfriends would joke about my inexperience when they would start talking about their sexual escapades. I would laugh along with them, but, deep down, I felt slightly inferior. Here I was the girl with great grades and acceptance letters from every college and university I applied to, but I still couldn’t get a date.
As graduation loomed, I told myself college would be a brand new start. I would reinvent myself, and become a completely new person. I would meet an awesome guy, who would be more sophisticated than any guy I knew in high school. He would wear flannel, love post-modern writers, and listen to a cool, eclectic collection of music. We go to the campus café for coffee, have deep philosophical conversations about literature, the arts and politics, and spend hours making out in one of our dorm rooms.
Well, things didn’t turn out exactly the way I planned. Sure, I had a merry-go-round of crushes. Most wore flannel, loved literature and alternative music, and three were writers. However, there were no coffee dates, long conversations or dorm room make-out sessions. Whenever I would get around one of them, my nerves would get the best of me, my throat would close up, and my mind would become completely void of anything to say that would be remotely coherent. Plus, it didn’t help that most of these guys were usually attached to someone else. Every semester, I pored over magazines for tips and tricks to flirting, and, every semester, I’d come up short.


About The Author

A senior at DeSales University, Shannon Kirk is obsessed with writing. Working towards completing her BA in communication with a concentration in creative writing, she serves as the senior editor of her campus’s literary magazine, spent three years as the arts and entertainment editor of her campus’ newspaper, and has recently begun work on her first novel. When she’s not at her laptop, her passions include fashion and styling, reading awesome fiction by contemporary writers, discovering new music and places, and watching Pretty Little Liars with her best friend. She dreams of living in New York City, working in publishing, and becoming a well-known journalist and author.