You might remember me from my college days as HC's Real Live College Guy, where I advised on picking up college guys, detecting cheaters,and what never to talk about with a guy among many other pressing college guy-related issues. Well now I'm a grad student—a law school student. Though love and law are feared by everyone, I'll put down the memo pad for a moment to continue sharing my wisdom to help collegiettes™ everywhere with slightly older guys and their love life (not legal) dilemmas.
I just started dating this law school student but he is SO busy with work. He seems to really like me, but it also seems like he has no time for me because he works so much! First of all, what do you think he is interested in in terms of our relationship- e.g., casual dating, or serious relat, or what? And how do I know how much to ask him to hang out without him feeling like I'm being annoying when he is trying to do work? How do I date a super busy workaholic law school student??
-Lovin' the Law at Louisiana
Lucky for you, my specialty is busy law school guys. We’re all busy, even writing this article is probably going to cost me a letter grade or two. Between an absurd amount of class time, reading, job hunting, socializing, networking, and various resume-building extracurriculars, law students have no time for relationships. Especially ones in their first couple years. Life is cutthroat. Every minute not spent productively is considered a minute lost. Thus, a few minutes chasing a girl that ultimately fails is DISASTROUS from a time management perspective. I sat down with five guys in my building of all different class years and came up with three important factors to remember when trying to date a very busy law student:
- Let him control the pace of the relationship. He is going to be busier at some times than at others. Get a feel for his schedule and know when he has the heaviest workloads. For example, find out if his classes overlap on Wednesday so he needs to spend the whole night before in the library to prepare. He’ll tell you if you ask him when he is free most often. This way you’ll understand why he might go four or five days without any contact. In a Law School GSG’s mind, time outside of school is put on hold while they work. We rarely even remember that we even have real lives (some of us actually don’t).
- Don’t expect as much. Given how busy we are, you can’t always expect a good morning text or a good night phone call. It may take him two weeks to get to date number #2. Don’t worry though, it’s not that he’s not interested, but that our lives run at a different pace. If you really like a law student, be prepared for a slow-moving endeavor. Unlike college guys who seem to have all the time in the world and can build serious relationships in a week or two, Law School GSG’s may take an entire semester or even a year of casual dating before they make the time to seriously think about where you two stand.
- Let him study. Unlike like undergraduate guys, GSG’s really study when they study. Work hard, play hard. It is impossible to mix the two and really get anything accomplished. If he tells you he is going to be studying all night, don’t bother him very much. Guys love the company, but be prepared to be utterly ignored all evening if you’re in his room while he’s studying. Don’t be offended though, because GSG’s view this as a weird way of “killing two birds with one stone.” Even though they might be failing at paying you attention, GSG’s still think of studying time together as relationship building.
That being said, some of the busiest law school guys won’t be looking for relationships at all. Given their crazy schedule they typically just want to unwind on the weekend with a few beers at a bar and casual sex to end the evening. They don’t want to waste any time dating or being rejected, so hooking up without the commitment or obligation is the preferred option. So, if you want a fun platonic one-night-stand, go to a grad school bar and look for a crowd of young law guys on a Friday night. Don’t play very hard to get, because remember they don’t want to waste any time pursuing any one option.