You might be the girl who constantly jumps from relationship to relationship, or the one who found true love in elementary school, or even the girl who already has wedding plans. Or you might be like me and a million others: perpetually a single lady, wanting to be in a real, committed relationship.
Growing up, I had no problem getting a guy’s attention and I still don’t. It’s getting a boyfriend that’s my problem. I’m tired of one-night stands, unanswered texts, and lies from boys who tell me they care. For whatever reason, I feel like I’ve been deemed “undateable,” and sometimes I fear I’ll end up a Cat Lady (and I don’t even like cats!). So why do we think this way? It’s time to bring in the experts. Dan Lier from Ask Dan & Mike says, “Overall it’s what girls are taught at a young age. It's in the ‘blueprint’ of a woman. Being a successful woman means having a man... and someday having a family.” Michelle Cove, the director of Seeking Happily Ever After and author of Seeking Happily Ever After: How to Navigate the Ups and Downs of Being Single Without Losing Your Mind says, “I realized that one of the reasons that single women freak out about ending up a cat lady or dying alone in their apartment someday is that there aren't many models for single women who are happy and healthy later in life. Statistically, most women reading this article will marry if they want to.”
If you feel like you’re in the same boat as I am, read on to see why you’re still single and what you can do to transform your relationship status from “always single” to “in a relationship” (if that’s what you want). You might even discover you don’t necessarily need or even want a boyfriend… and at the same time avoid the whole Cat Lady thing.
Reasons why you’re still single...
1. Your standards are too high.
If you have a laundry list full of qualities you look for in “the ideal man” and refuse to give any guy who doesn’t fit your criteria a chance, you may have trouble finding a guy. I’m not suggesting you settle for any guy who comes your way, but I do think you should reevaluate what you look for in a potential mate. Does it really matter if he has perfect teeth, jokes that would make a top comedian laugh, and the moves of a pro-athlete? I don’t think so. Cove agrees, “Instead, pick 3 or 4 non-negotiable qualities that you know you will need in a guy (we're assuming chemistry already so don't include that one) and focus on finding someone with those. Forget a certain height or hair color, think about how you want to be treated.”
2. Your standards are too low.
You also aren’t going to have any luck in the dating scene if your standards are too low. Do you hook up with any and every guy who gives you the time of day? Do you use your drunk goggles to snatch men? Do you think every guy you meet is cute? If you answered yes to any of these questions, your standards are definitely too low. Lier points out why this is bad: “Low standards equal low quality guys. The low quality guys are typically not in a position to, nor have the ability to have a committed or serious relationship.” I recommend you make a list of things you love about YOU. When you see in writing how great of a person you are, you will want to find a guy who has just as much to offer—FYI, the drunk guy hitting on you at the bar does not make the cut. “Don't compromise. It's easy to forget our reasoning when staring in the face of a hot guy but if he doesn't have the non-negotiables, it's most likely doomed from the get-go,” Cove says.
3. You’re too shy.
You can’t sit alone in the corner hoping Mr. Right will come to you. If you’re too shy to get yourself out there and start meeting guys, a future romance isn’t looking good. This isn’t to say you will never have a boyfriend, but it might take longer than you’d like. Lier says, “Remember, guys are insecure... so by you not expressing yourself, he may think you aren’t interested... leaving you out in the cold.” Practice being more outgoing and confident by striking up a conversation or showing off your dance moves. Even smiling in his direction is a good move—baby steps. Guys like fun girls so show him you can have a great time (with or without him) and soon he will be begging for your number. Kaille, a junior at the University of Michigan, says, “I honestly just think being shy is a turn off for guys; they'd rather be with someone outgoing and easy to initially talk to which sucks because they could be missing out on a pretty sweet girl.” You hear that, guys?