Admittedly, most people won’t have the opportunity to not only throw their mom a surprise bachelorette party, but also hire her a stripper. I did, and here’s what happened.
As the final months dwindled down, and the date of my mom’s wedding grew closer, I knew I had to plan something in celebration of this momentous occasion. Because our relationship has always been easy going, I knew that she would be elated to walk into a surprise bachelorette party planned by yours truly. I also knew that having my friends and their parents there, whom we have know forever, would make the event even better.
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The first thing I did was send out a quick group text to my friends asking them when they would be available for such an occasion. I also asked them to make sure their moms felt comfortable coming to an event with a stripper, considering their daughters would be there. Within a few days, we had picked an event date and come to the conclusion that the moms didn’t care that a stripper would be there. After all, they did see us through a lot of awkward stages and the outcomes of a bad decision or two, so I think they just threw caution to the wind and said what the hell.
Once I figured out the logistics, I sent out an evite. I know, that’s like totally five years ago, but apparently moms still use it, so evite invitations it was. Now that I had the date, location and guest list ready, I had to figure out the decoration situation. As you know, college kids are always on a tight budget and this event was no exception, except for the stripper. He was sort of the main attraction, if you will.
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I set a budget of $500 for this event, including the stripper, which was tricky to stay under, but here’s how I managed. For starters, I had it at my house because there’s nothing worse than spending money you don’t have on an overpriced venue. Buzzkill. Next, I asked the guests to bring the food dish of their choice. Lastly, I made it a BYOB, not only to save some money, but to also be sure that everyone had the drink of their choice there.
So, the majority of my expenses were set aside for decorations. The overall theme of this bachelorette party was, “Ho’s Anatomy”, which is a spin off of Grey’s Anatomy, duh. Long story short, my mom’s fiance’s name is Ho, who also happens to be a surgical oncologist. There were just too many coincidences, so I just had to, ya know? Surprisingly enough, no party stores carried “Ho’s Anatomy” decor, so I had to improvise. I did notice a cute theme, “I do crew”, so I combined the two. Now that I had the themes figured out, I kept my eyes peeled for decor in the color palette, which was easy enough. All I really needed were letter balloons, eating utensils and fun party games.
The next step was to hire a stripper. This was probably the weirdest and most complicated aspect of planning this event. In an attempt to keep things in theme, I tried my absolute hardest to find an Asian stripper, that could come to the event as a doctor. Now, hear me out. My mom’s fiance is Korean, who, like I said, is a surgical oncologist. So, true-to-self, I decided to go all-in on this shindig and truly bring my A-game.
I’m going to lay all my cards out on the table here. I was under no impression that there was a copious amount of Asian strippers out there, especially in my budget. But, for some reason, stripper agency after stripper agency continuously asked me if I was nuts, to which I always responded, “Listen, I’m hiring this stripper for my mother so, yes, I am nuts.”
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With that being said, if you’re planning on hiring a stripper, here are a list of things to avoid saying on the phone with any stripper agency. I made these mistakes, so you didn’t have to. “Is there a picture book I can look through or any YouTube videos of performances?” “Are the strippers pictures on your site ones that I can book?” Or, my personal favorite, “Is it possible for me to come by and see an audition from a few dancers.” These questions were not received kindly, and quite frankly, I think it made them take me less seriously.
Which, in this day and age is ludacris! I find it hard to believe there are no pictures or videos to peruse through. Alas, I put the down payment down and prayed that a decently attractive stripper would walk through the door the night of the event.
When the night of the event finally arrived, everything went wrong. I was late coming home from work, so my friends had to clean up my house and set up the decorations. Thank god for amazing friends, am I right? Then, to make matters even weirder, the stripper agency accidently double-booked me, so the whole ride home from work I was receiving calls from various different strippers about whether they should strip down to a g-string or not. Obviously, down to the g-string!
But, despite all blunders in the process, we got my mom home and surprised her. We drank (too much) and danced (with the stripper) too much. A night for the books for sure. My mom cried a lot, apparently, “I’m the coolest daughter,” as if I wasn’t already aware. She was a little bit embarrassed to have her mom, my Nana, there as well. Aside from that, she seemed to appreciate that I hired her a stripper.
And, in case anyone was wondering, my Nana did smack the stripper’s booty as well.