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13 Thoughts Girls Have While Reading 'Fifty Shades of Grey'

Posted Aug 11 2014 - 4:00pm

With the recent release of the long-awaited first glimpse of the Fifty Shades of Grey movie, it's hard not to get nostalgic about the sensational (and beyond sensual) first book. Or maybe the trailer has convinced you to finally set aside your pride and jump on the hot and steamy bandwagon. But regardless, Fifty Shades of Grey is an emotional and sexual roller coaster we all buckled in for that left us weak at the knees. It's basically high-class literary porn intertwined with a love story, and it's everything we ever needed out of a guilty-pleasure book. However, finding ourselves getting all hot and bothered from the words on those pages left us with some interesting thoughts.

1. "Okay, I don't get what everyone was making a big deal about; this isn't that intense."

This isn't such a big deal. It's just like any other book with a love interest. Hmm, I wonder what everyone else was talking about.

2. "Holy wow! I spoke too soon."

Wait, woah, what? Is this legal? Seriously, are these the sort of books they used to ban back in the day? This is so hot.

3. Is it just me, or was Anastasia Steele based off of me?

Seriously, though. I'm plain, simple, not nearly this sexually experienced... If this book is based on my life, where is my Christian Grey?

4. "Did E. L. James have the most amazing imagination or the world's best sex life?"

Do real human beings have sex like this? But seriously, have I been doing it wrong my whole life? This is unreal. How did she think of these things?

5. "I'm fairly confident my ovaries are exploding."

This is too much to handle. I think I should put the book down and step away for a bit. But I can't. This book owns me. I am a slave to a paperback book. And I am absolutely okay with that.

6. "Does the guy sitting next to me know what I'm reading? Shoot. He just made eye contact. I feel dirty."

I couldn't stop reading, but maybe subtly reading in class wasn't the best idea. I'm sweating. The fictional Christian Grey is making me sweat. And this boy in my sociology class knows.

7. I want a fun, sassy inner goddess/subconscious. Hey, guys - you up there?

Let’s band together and be an awesome posse. Wake up. Let’s do this.

8. "Do they make real men like Christian Grey, and where do I sign up?"

No, seriously, if someone knows the answer to this question, please contact me immediately.

9. "Scratch that, I think I would spontaneously combust. Don't sign me up."

You know what, I don't know how Anastasia is doing this. I don't think I'm cut out for this. Sorry, Mr. Grey. It's not you; it's me.

10. "Wait, JK, sign me up, pencil me in, tattoo it on my forehead if you need to. I. NEED. A. MR. GREY."

Sorry for my disloyalty, sir. Take me back. I want you. I NEED you. Please forgive me.

11. "How do I feel about the Red Room of Pain? I don't know how to feel."

What are these contraptions he's using? I think I'm scared. I also think I'm turned on. I don't know what to think. I also don't know if I'll be able to stop reading any time soon.

12. "I am single. So... very... single."

Yep, I realize that Christian Grey is a fictitious character, and that crushes me into a million pieces. BRB gonna hyperventilate in the fetal position until I've come to terms with that fact.

13. "Jamie Dornan is about to make my dreams come true. Why can't it be Valentine's Day yet?"

So what if I just spent countless hours pining over a man who doesn't exist? In a few short (long, agonizing) months, the beautiful god that is Jamie Dornan will be making all my dreams a reality. Until then, we wait.

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