When we first read Katie Marovitch’s blog, we fell in love with her funny, fresh voice. We thought it would be perfect for HC readers! Read Katie’s first guest blog post below and make sure to check out her blog here.
Girl Upset By Lack of Free Candy at School:
People of the Internetz:
You may or may not have noticed the tears that are currently flowing down my face cheeks (as opposed to those other cheeks, located further south along my body’s longitudinal axis). These tears are tears of sadness, angst, and anxiety, rather than of happiness, allergies, or problems with my contacts.
Why the tears, you might ask?
School, my delicate flower children. Yes, yes. These tears are school-related. Summer is knock-knock-knocking on Heaven’s door currently. And, with the death of summer comes the rebirth of school. I can already hear the school bells in the distance, and when I peer through the windows of my friends’ homes as they are getting dressed (I’m really into Extreme Voyeurism–that new sport that all the kids are talking about), I see them donning their school apparel. Disgusting.
Now, there are several reasons why I am dreading my return to college. These reasons are quite typical of the average college student, I believe, and they include:
1.) Quiz-icles and test-icles. That’s right-I’m talking about exams. Exams are loathed by college students everywhere, because they are frequently difficult and hardly ever involve us getting free candy.
2.) Dorm food. The stuff even the hungry, hungry hippos (or, heck, even the hungriest of hippos!) would refuse. As a classy good-looking lady with a hearty appetite, I am disgusted by the offerings at my school’s cafeterias. My stomach craves delicacies like squirrel, owl pellets, and Dove soap, but all my school can provide is chicken, shrimp, and white wine. And I’m all like, “Hey, school, that ain’t right!”
3.) High price of books. College students are notoriously poor, because we spend hundreds and hundreds of dollars on books each year. We barely have enough left over to pay for life’s necessary necessities. Just last week I purchased my books. The total was $390 dollars. I hardly had enough money to pay for (extremely necessary) full-body massages for me and my toy poodle, and I was only able to tip 15%!
4.) Teachers who cannot be bribed. The worst kind of teacher is the teacher who refuses to accept your money in exchange for improving your grades. I have found that these professors are extremely dishonest, unscrupulous, and are most definitely of questionable upbringing.
5.) Classes that teach you useless things.
Higher education has a hefty price tag, and college students want to put that money to good use. We’re sick and tired of taking classes where we must memorize oodles and boodles of tedious factoids, and where free candy is nay provided for us! Quelle injustice!
Sadly, there is not much that we college-folk can do to extend summer and hold off going to school. Whether you want to or not, you’re going to have to take off your summertime underwear and instead put on your schooltime underwear (Metaphysically speaking, of course. Whatever that means.)
Good luck, all! Kisses from your misses.
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What do you think of Katie’s blog? Do you love her writing as much as we do? Leave a comment below and let us know!