Sarah Casimong

When you leave the office to go to the restroom, you head to the ladies’ room. For most people, it’s something we don’t really think about. From birth, our gender has (in a lot of ways) established a core part of our identity. Society likes to tie our biological parts with our habits, likes, and dislikes: Girls wear pink and play with dolls; boys wear blue and play with cars. Women love to shop for designer shoes and men are obsessed with all things sports. But for some people, the lines between male and female are not so defined, and the societal definitions can be restricting.

If you’ve ever felt like you didn’t fit into society’s definition of “male” or “female,” you’re not alone. We spoke to Robin Parry, an education and outreach community developer at QMUNITY, a queer resource center in British Columbia; and Andrew Rabasse, the founder and coordinator for the genderqueer Vancouver community group at QMUNITY.

What does “genderqueer” mean?

While we are all born with a biological sex, gender refers to characteristics and behaviors that define us as either masculine or feminine in society. These could be things like wearing makeup as a feminine characteristic or acting tough as a masculine trait.

“Gender expression is how one outwardly manifests gender, by means such as name and pronoun choice, style of dress, voice modulation,” Parry says. “How one expresses gender might not necessarily reflect one’s actual gender identity.”

The break-up was bad and you decided you can’t be friends with your ex. Still, you’re aware of every new picture he’s uploaded on Facebook, his tweets keep popping up on your timeline and you can’t help but text him when you get lonely. It’s hard to let go of someone you cared so deeply for, but you know what you need to get over him: a clean break. 

After being so close to someone, it will, undeniably, take time and effort to break the habits you’ve built while being together (constantly texting, phone calls every day, maybe being attached at the hip). Though easier said than done, it’s definitely not impossible. So how do you really let go? We spoke to collegiettes who learned some important lessons on how to finally cut ties with their exes — for good.

Don’t forget why you broke up

Whether it was you or him that called it off, someone wanted it to end and there was a reason. Collegiette Katie realized she had to cut ties with her ex-boyfriend after regretting a drunken hook-up with him on a lonely night.

“I just kept thinking of the reasons why we broke up: he didn’t treat me right, he owed me a lot of money, he hated my friends, et cetera,” says Katie. I just kept thinking of the bad things and how they outweighed the good when I think about the good things it made me want to go back to him. I made myself realize that I am better than that.”

Keep reminders of the pain

Sometimes we are not sure what's going on down there, but paying attention to your vaginal discharge can possibly save your life. Although it is a normal thing, it can also point to signs that you need to see a doctor. So when should you be concerned? We spoke to Dr. Patricia Mirwaldt, director of student health service at the University of British Columbia, to get the 4-1-1 on vaginal discharge.

What Is Vaginal Discharge?

Vaginal discharge is a normal part of our reproductive system. In fact, we start to get discharge once we start our periods. The purpose of discharge is to clear out dead cells and bacteria, according to WebMD. Normal discharge is usually clear or white. However, your discharge can change slightly, depending on the phase of your menstrual cycle, the amount of fluids you consume and the type of medication you're on (decongestants and antidepressants can dry out vaginal secretions, and antibiotics can change your discharge), says Dr. Mirwaldt.

Here is (generally) what to expect:

A couple of days after your period has ended, there will be little to no discharge. Later you’ll start to develop more (usually clear or “can look and be as stringy as egg whites," says Dr. Mirwaldt) and it will last 14 days until the next period. "And then the discharge tends to get thicker, hard to see through and more clumpy than stringy," says Dr. Mirwaldt.

They say relationships are complicated, but non-relationships can be just as complicated — if not more so. Are you still hoping that your friend with benefits or recent hook-up will ask you to be his girlfriend? His motives might be a mystery, but there are some obvious clues that you should look out for. If you’re wondering if your guy will ever officially become your guy, we’ve come up with a list of seven signs that say he might never commit.

1. He has a reputation for being a player.

“He avoided telling me where he was going and what he was doing,” says Soniya*, a junior at Carnegie Mellon University, who later found out that her friend with benefits was also busy wooing another girl while hooking up with her. “I should have guessed he was with someone else and that was why our hook-ups always took place at random times, like Sunday afternoons or Tuesday nights.”

Dr. Carole Lieberman, author of Bad Boys: Why We Love Them, How to Live with Them & When to Leave Them, warns us to stay far away from a player — no matter how hot he is.

“If you think you'll be the one to tame a guy who has a reputation for being a player, think again,” she says. “These guys hide deep-seated psychological reasons for not committing to one girl — such as insecurities about their desirability — that only a therapist could change.”

2. He only wants to hook up and he’s not interested in getting to know you.

Looking back in hindsight, Soniya noticed a few signs she should have paid attention to when she started hooking up with her best guy friend. One of the signs was that the whole relationship (or non-relationship in this case) revolved around hooking up.