Some people have dragons. Others have armies. Some have the brute strength. Others have the cold, calculating minds. (Or have minions that do all their decision making for them.) And others, have it all. (Cough, Danerys, cough, cough, cough, spews blood, dies.)
But, for those of us harboring our evil and twisty little ambitions, there is another way to ascend the iron throne!!! So sit back, sip your wine, and enjoy…
First things first. Hydration is essential to ruling. And let’s face it, hydrating in style, and being Westeros-eco-friendly, is of utmost importance. You can’t possibly be seen drinking out of those shapeless plastic water bottles!
What you need: Camelbak Forge Divide Mug
http://www.camelbak.com/en/International/Sports-Recreation/Travel-Mugs/Forge-Divide.aspx
It’s stylish, it’s convenient, and it does come in an array of colors! (White is my favorite one.) You can drink your piping hot coffee or tea, and cool down with some cold, delicious water. Either way, it’s a closed vessel that’s easy to carry, and guarantees that you won’t be poisoned easily by that old weasel Olenna Tyrell.
So now all is going well…until, uh oh. It’s that time of the month. Between trying not to claw everybody’s eyes out, and trying to fight for the throne, you need a way to manage the flow. Not to worry, because your trusted advisor, Divacup is here to help!
What you need: Diva Cup
Yay!!! Isn’t that how we all feel, wink wink.
And now that that’s all well done and managed, we’ve gotta make our plans. There are places to conquer, enemies to defeat, and people to convince and recruit. Friend or foe, for now we don’t know, but it’s always important to look our very best, and use our beauty and charm to get what we want. Isn’t that right, Margaery?
What you need: Freeman Beauty Kit
https://www.freemanbeauty.com/products/feeling-beautiful
The Avocado/Oatmeal Clay Mask, Feeling Beautiful Cucumber Peel Off Mask, Feeling Beautiful Charcoal & Black Sugar Polishing Mask and Feeling Beautiful Apple Cider Vinegar 4-in-1 Foaming Clay are bound to keep your skin silky smooth, and always at your very best. Being awesome is stressful, but with these powerful weapons in your artillery, there’s not way Westeros won’t be yours.
It’s time to do some makeup!
What You Need: Rimmel London – 24HR Supercurler Mascara, Colour Precise Eyeliner and The Only 1 Lipstick
Looking good? Now let’s try to smell good too.
What You Need: Juicy Couture Perfume
http://www.ulta.com/i-love-juicy-couture-eau-de-parfum?productId=xlsImpprod14421015#
Ah…the smells. Wait. Deadpool? What? Here to crash GoT?!
Face is done, so now we’re down to the body. In fond memory of boob week, here’s “How to Find the Perfect Bra” by our very own, Makenzie Way. www.hercampus.com/school/harvard/finding-perfect-bra
What You Need: Maidenform – Maidenform Love the Lift® Push Up & In Satin Demi Bra OR Maidenform Love the Lift® Push Up & In Lace Demi Bra and L’eggs – Sheer Energy Sheer Panty Medium Support
http://www.onehanesplace.com/shop/onehanesplace/maidenform-brand
http://www.target.com/p/leggs-sheer-energy-women-s-all-sheer-pantyhose/-/A-14606968
No man (or woman) can stand a chance against your looks and charisma now. Who needs all that bloodshed when you can win with just one look? (And some healthy exposure of the legs and cleavage?)
Even so, we need to understand the realities of the job. Things are dangerous. You never know who might turn on you, or what might happen.
What You Need: Wearsafe – Wearsafe Adventure Box
It doesn’t matter where you go, or who you’ll meet! (Is it whom? I think it’s whom. Who you’ll meet. Whom you’ll meet. Ah whatever. I don’t care.)
With the adventure box, the moment things go wrong, you can call for help, providing your location and your a continuous audio stream. Gee, I bet Tywin Lannister really could have used one of these things. Oh well–that’s one less enemy for you anyways.
So that’s all done. You’re a formidable force to be dealt with already. But let’s face it. Physical well being is important, but mental well being is just as well. You’re a strong, powerful, beautiful young woman, but adulthood is hard, even when you’re not trying to sit on a very uncomfortable seat. So it’s important to have some down time to read and laugh and mock your adulthood. So as your most loyal advisor, I must recommend two books from Andrews McNeel Publishing:
What You Need: Adulthood Is A Myth by Sarah Andersen
The Roommate Book by Becky Simpson
http://www.andrewsmcmeel.com/catalog/detail?sku=9781449474195
http://www.andrewsmcmeel.com/catalog/detail?sku=9781449470906
Not that you’ll actually have a roommate or anything once you’ve completed your conquest, but let’s face it, interpersonal skills are important, and you need to keep the people on your side happy. So come on! You ready? We’ve got a busy day!