1. If only I loved working out as much as I love workout clothes. Neon Nikes and a matching sports bra all day, every day.
2. I better cancel dinner plans with my girlfriends tonight because I can already feel the pain that happens when I laugh. Happiness + core workout = cruel and unusual punishment.
3. My calves are going to be too sore for heels tonight.
4. I should have worn two sports bras.
5. Burpees had to have been a form of torture in the olden days.
6. That guy has the body of Ryan Gosling. Don’t stare, don’t stare, don’t stare.
*Looks at his reflection in the mirror*
7. I’ll be done with my run at the end of this song.
*Next song plays*
Oh my gosh, this is MY song! *Starts sprinting*
8. Elevators are going to be my new best friend after this leg workout.
9. Hey, these yoga pants DO make my butt look amazing!
10. Before a workout: I look pretty good in that fashionable-fitness-freak way.
11. After a workout: I look like I just went swimming in a sewer.
12. I’m going to get off the elliptical once the calorie counter hits an even number.
13. Uphill running? What did I do to deserve this?
14. My arms feel like spaghetti. I can’t even pick up my water bottle right now.
15. I just burned enough calories to justify dessert tonight—so worth it. #cardioforcupcakes
16. I can see everyone is judging everyone at the gym right now. I wonder if they think I’m intense. Could I take that person in a fight? No way, but I could totally take that person in a lifting match.
17. I’m only doing squats because I want a Beyoncé booty.
18. Discreetly flexing in the mirror is making me begin to understand why gym rats take so many selfies.
19. Why didn’t I wipe off my makeup beforehand? Now I have to wipe my sweat off with my hands because I don’t want to get foundation on my shirt.
20. My lungs… why… are they… so small?!
21. One more. Just one more. Do it for that summer body, do it for that person who didn’t believe in you, do it because that person is watching you and you don’t want to look weak. The last one is always the hardest. Push yourself!