Desperately trying to understand the inscrutable mind of the college male? Real Live College Guy Joel (replete with a name way cooler than those of RLCGs Joe and Joey) is here to help you out, call you out, write you a poem to show you’re great and to stop worrying, etc. From major emotional drama, to the minutiae of social interaction, use him as your one-stop shop for guy advice.
I’ve started dating a guy that I really like, but I’m nervous about him blabbing to all his friends about what we do in our relationship. I’m afraid he’ll want to brag about us because it’ll make him seem more “manly” or whatever, and I would rather he kept the details of our love life (and especially our sex life) to himself. I don’t want to make him mad or seem crazy by bringing this up if he wasn’t going to say anything, but I’m terrified he WILL say something. How do I talk about this with him? – Silent at Syracuse
Silent at Syracuse,
It is perfectly normal for girls to be a little worried about their privacy. The gossipy environment of college prevents many from maintaining any kind of private life. But please, please think carefully about whether you want to discuss this with this guy at all.
I’m sure at some point you’ve heard a girl say knowingly, “Guys talk,” as if they’ve spent many hours in men’s locker rooms eavesdropping. But the fact is, that most of us don’t talk – really, we don’t. Our group conversations haven’t changed much since middle school: lots of ruminations about food, weight lifting, video games, farts, etc. You aren’t missing much. We don’t discuss ourselves in any aspect, while it often seems to me as if almost nothing is off-limits when women are talking to other women. Dudes behave like chimps, but we generally try to be respectful of girls’ wishes when it comes to sex stories. There are exceptions of course, but the guys who do talk are generally interested only in hookups. If your potential Chatty Charles likes you enough to date you, he probably won’t talk about your sex life.
Admittedly, I have known some guys who have blabbed about their sex lives with girls they were dating. But no one wanted to hear about it. In an all-male environment, girlfriends aren’t cool. We don’t want to hear, “Dude I banged her and then we watched The Notebook and made pasta!” We want to hear about hookups in clubs with girls who have names like Tatiana, if he even knows her name. There’s no incentive for this guy to talk about your private life. He won’t feel any more manly talking to his buddies about someone with whom he’s developing a serious relationship.
You definitely shouldn’t talk to him about this at all without cause. Do you have any reason to think he’s a talker? If you do, broach the subject casually and succinctly, when it’s just you two cuddling. Remind him that you are a private person and don’t want your moments with him to be devalued by sharing them with others. Do not make this a sit-down conversation; this is something you should subtly bring up while you’re spending time with the guy you like. But first, consider carefully whether this is something you even need to discuss with a guy you seem to trust in most respects.
Fill out my online form.