How to Tell If You’re Having Good Sex

We know good sex when it happens. Your partner has a giant, goofy grin on their face, your hair will never be orderly again and even your dog is watching you suspiciously when you leave the bedroom. Unfortunately, incredible sex doesn’t always happen consistently, but it’s important to know the signs when it does because TBH sex is so important. Riding the waves of pleasure will leave you feeling light and exuding your sexual glow all day. It’s magic. Educate yourself on the staples of good sex, and then try to repeat them again and again — your partner and your libido will be thanking you.

1. The sex is equal

Sex is best when you and your partner are both giving as much as you take. That means you aren’t spending all your time gyrating like a madwoman, and your partner isn’t spending hours trying to give you (near impossible) multiple orgasms only to have you fall asleep after. Everything should be ~reciprocated~ because you both deserve to feel good.

Isabella, a junior at Cal Poly State University San Luis Obispo, weighs in about what makes great sex. “I think we all know the struggle of giving a blowjob, only to never get head back — or worse to have to ask for it *shudders,*” she says. “That’s why the best sex for me is always when both of us are putting in equal effort to please each other.”

There are times when it can definitely be fun to have your partner focus solely on pleasing you and vice versa, but we promise that mind-blowing sex is going to come when you’re both giving your all to each other. In the words of Rihanna, “Werk.”

Related: The Smart Girl’s Guide to Porn

2. Your mind isn’t wandering

If you’re actually having good sex, you won’t be wondering about that green stuff in your teeth or if all this rolling around will turn your spray tan blotchy. All your brain can manage is incomprehensible moaning, and that’s how it should be when your body and your head are in the game.

“I get really insecure with how my body looks, and then the switch is flipped in my mind and I’m no longer into the sex anymore,” Isabella says. “I either have to think about what’s happening in that very moment or let my mind go completely and just feel it. Distraction is so not productive for good sex.”

We agree that any type of distraction is terrible when you’re trying to vibe with all the sensual feelings happening, but it’s a rarely spoken truth that letting in nasty thoughts about your physical appearance can kill your mood like no other. Unbelievable sex means that you give zero Fs about what your body looks like. Confidence always wins, and it’s what people are attracted to. Don’t second guess how sexy you are, and your partner won’t either.

3. You take your time

There’s no quick, nervous thrusting happening here. Good sex is something you never want to end, and it leaves you wishing you could stay in your cocoon of bliss and messy sheets forever. Everything is drawn out — you don’t rush foreplay and you might even make the time to slip a few new moves into your usual bedroom routine. Your “Oh” literally becomes an “Ohhhhhhhh,” because the sex is just that good.

Summer, a senior at the University of California, Berkeley, believes that toe-curling sex should never be a quick activity. “When I look at the best times my boyfriend and I have had sex, they’re always really long memories,” she says. “We usually had an entire afternoon free to mess around with each other, or they’re times when we slowed down and really took our time to appreciate what was happening. Urgent and quiet sex is weird — it should be good, long love-making.”

Remember all that mumbo-jumbo about excitement, plateau, orgasm and resolution stages? Well, that formula is actually real AF for incredible sex, and we should all collectively do what we can to make that “excitement” stage last as long as possible. You’ll thank us later.

Related: You Will Not Be Able to EVEN with These First Time Sex Horror Stories

4. You’re having fun in the moment

After amazing sex, you should find rogue panties under your bed, bra literally nowhere to be found and realize you’re in desperate need of a shower. That’s because the best sex of your life will always be completely in the moment and far from perfect! You won’t care about your bed staying neatly made or preventing your hair from ending up like a giant beehive. Let go, stop stressing and have as much fun as possible.

“My biggest tip for having the best sex ever is to always let it happen how it’s supposed to happen,” says Stacy, a senior at the University of Colorado Boulder. “Natural, go with the flow sex never fails to be fun because it’s so in the moment that your mind isn’t trying to psyche you out. I also think it’s way easier for women to orgasm when they’re open to anything that happens.”

Do not let your sex life exist out of obligation. You should not be having sex twice a week just to get it out of the way. Do it because you’re a woman who’s allowed to have sexual needs and seek that fulfillment. Be spontaneous with your partner, don’t overthink what’s happening and just go with your sexual flow. These things are the making of unforgettable sex, and you’ll easily look back on it feeling sexy and joyful.

Sex is unique to each person and couple, but by taking your time, enjoying it and focusing on the moment, you’ll improve your sex life with ease — no crazy sex position necessary.