We all need a little guidance now and then, so whether you’re stressed about a fling gone wrong, a recently wrecked relationship or how to handle a stage-five clinger, Real Live College Guy Dale is here to help you navigate the college dating scene.
I feel like I should kick myself for asking this… Should I trust and give chances to my boyfriend whom I’ve caught in lies numerous times, even though the lies were silly things? For example: One of his lady friends gave him an old Kindle of hers, and instead of just telling me that, he told me his sister gave it to him. Then, while visiting another friend, my boyfriend told him the truth right in front of me as if he’d forgotten I was right next to him. Another time, I was expecting him to come hang out, and he called to tell me he was having lunch with his dad and would be late, but later his dad called and he was still out visiting family in Tennessee. When I confronted him about this (calm and cool) he said he just wanted to sleep longer.
I’m trying to be mature and work things out with him, but it’s like talking to a wall. He takes it like an attack, and I only simply asked him why, as calm and understanding as I can manage. –Suspicious at Syracuse
Syracuse,
When I was a kid, I would always get in trouble for telling my mom little white lies. I knew it was bad to lie, but I just didn’t want to face the consequences of my actions. What does any of that have to do with your situation?
You haven’t given your boyfriend any consequences. You have, from what I can tell, allowed him to continue lying to you. By now, he knows he can do it. By now, he probably knows he’ll get caught too. You haven’t put your foot down and given him an ultimatum, so this has made him arrogant.
And that’s what all of this boils down to: You need to decide for yourself how much of his BS you’re willing to take. He obviously feels guilty enough to hide little things from you, and he hasn’t really given you any reason to believe that he isn’t hiding something bigger from you.
You’ve let him get away with lying for too long. You’ve been calm and understanding too long. Buck up and put your foot down. If he doesn’t respect you – which, I hate to say, it sounds like he doesn’t – then he’s not going to be honest with you. Your boyfriend honestly sounds like a shady guy, and I wouldn’t blame you for deciding that you’ve put up with his lies for too long already as is.
You need to do what’s best for you, and being with a guy that doesn’t have the common courtesy to tell you the truth about little things isn’t the kind of guy you need to be with.