Real Live College Guy Dale: Should I Define the Relationship?

We all need a little guidance now and then, so whether you’re stressed about a fling gone wrong or a recently wrecked relationship or you’re wondering how to handle a stage-five clinger, Real Live College Guy Dale is here to help you navigate the college dating scene.

I’ve been seeing a guy for a while now. Everything seems to be going well; he took me out on Valentine's Day to an expensive restaurant and got me flowers. He has taken me on dates and we do pretty well just spending time together. He's the type of guy who doesn't have to be in constant communication, which I like.

We have been in this weird "talking" stage for a while now, though, and it makes me a little bit unsure. I feel like I shouldn't be waiting around for him to make the move since we haven't had the DTR conversation and there are other guys who have asked me on dates. What should I do—take the new opportunities, or wait on this guy? –Make a Move? at Mississippi State

Mississippi,

Honesty goes a long way. I know a lot of women who believe that men should always initiate the DTR conversation—after all, if a guy is interested in being with you, then what would keep him from doing so? But that’s not always the case.

I think the most likely reason for his silence is that he’s nervous. I’ve said this before, but not every guy is able to muster up that courage to have that DTR talk. This shouldn’t reflect poorly on him, nor should it be taken as a general disinterest in you. If a guy is nervous, it means he’s nervous. Some people—men and woman alike—always say stuff like, “Well, what’s the worst that can happen—she says ‘No’?” like “No” can’t feel like a punch in the gut, especially if it’s coming from someone you’re head over heels for. The possibility of “no” can instill a great fear in some guys, and that’s a hard thing to face.

Moreover, does he know that other guys are lining up to ask you out? If that’s the case, maybe his nervousness is stemming from the perception that you aren’t totally interested in him.

Of course, the other option is that maybe he just isn’t interested anymore. Perhaps at one point he was, but he hasn’t found a way to let you down yet. However, I think this option is less likely than him just being too nervous to talk about your relationship. If he had lost interest, I think you’d have noticed by now. Signs of this would include increasingly fewer texts, shorter replies and flat-out ignoring you, among other things.

You like him, Mississippi; that’s clear even from reading your message. If this means that much to you, I strongly advise you to initiate the conversation first. If I’m right and he is just nervous, then you initiating that conversation will at the very least prove to him that you are interested in something more and will definitely relieve some of his nerves. Call him and tell him you want to talk to him, see if he wants to go out or skip the fluff and straight up ask him what you two are… if you’re anything at all.

And really, if you didn’t think he was worth the wait, then you wouldn’t have sent in this question in the first place. 

Fill out my online form.